thinktoomuch.net

I nearly withdrew the previous post. Actually, I did, for a couple of minutes, then changed my mind while I was writing this one. Why? Because it was supposed to be part of a two-post series, and the second post is just not coming out right. (I’ve already written a thousand words, which seems like way too many, while at the same time it feels like I’m either not saying much of value, or I’m sounding like a stuck record player saying the same things I’ve said before. I think. Maybe it has just become disorganised enough that I no longer know…)

Yesterday was actually this blog’s third birthday. Scary thought that. While I’ve done a lot of grappling on this blog, I have also done a lot of grappling with this blog. I grapple with the vision of what I want it to be, driven by what I would like to express, limited by what I’m actually able to express. I grapple with its sense of value: does it have value, or is a waste of time? Especially when a post just doesn’t come out right.

I think it’s a struggle of faith versus doubt. For this blog to survive and thrive, I need to have some sort of faith in its value and its future. For it to find and keep a good direction, I probably also need to go through periods of doubt during which that faith can be redirected if it’s drifting off course, during which that faith can grow and mature into something more realistic, more practical.

Does it make sense to call this faith? The confidence and trust that this blog has meaning and value? I think so. There are a number of things that I think classify as “faith”, of the kind where I think most people should be able to agree: it is important to have faith — if that’s the word you’re giving to the concept we’re talking about.