If there were a prize for the society at Stellenbosch University with the best advertising campaign, many will agree that Shofar Christian Church would be quite the contender. They usually have some of the most eye-catching posters and banners in some of the most prominent locations. For example, at the beginning of the year, a banner on the foot bridge over Merriman street, the only double lane street on campus. Welcome Students! With a lot of new blood entering the campus, societies do what they can to collect new members. Many of these would be unaware of the controversy surrounding Shofar.
Amongst much of the typical advertising brochures and posters we see every year, there was one fascinating pamphlet that caused at least a few raised eyebrows. This pamphlet had on its outside two quotes: one by Gandhi and one by Voltaire…
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“If Christians want us to believe in a Redeemer, let them act redeemed.” — Voltaire
And so starts the speculation. Do they have balls of steel, to have the audacity to use the very quotes that might be directed at them by many of their critics? Or are they starting to listen to their critics and trying to respond, or possibly improve? It turns out the pamphlet was indeed partly inspired by wanting to hear criticism and respond to it. There are people in Shofar that are concerned about the criticism to the point of wanting to make a difference.
But how much difference can someone make? A big institution with a large cultural inertia does not change easily. As the great reformers noticed. In the end, each of us can only play a part, make our own little contribution. This blog will be my attempt. The naive optimist in me dreams that Christianity could actually get back to a place of radical inclusiveness and reflect the character of Jesus again, but this optimist is typically drowned out by my other side. I’m not sure whether that side is a pessimist or a realist.
The pamphlet reads (translation from Afrikaans to English by me):
Stone Throwing…
“Let him who has no sin throw the first stone.” — Jesus ChristThe media often accuses Christians of intolerance and judgemental behaviour, and that they follow their leaders blindly without thinking for themselves. If you look at Christianity’s history, it looks as though it has at times been the case. The likes of Apartheid, the Nazi’s, imperialism and many other horrors committed by “Christians” is more than just an embarrassment to the Christian. The shallow consumer mentality often/sometimes seen in Christian media also doesn’t feel like an attractive alternative.
But is this the only Christian reality? Can it be that there is a family somewhere where the members are committed to one another despite human brokenness — an experience of community that brings people together instead of dividing them with cultural boundaries.
Inside are a few stories of people that feel they have become members of such a community. For them it is a reality.
Let us stop the mutual stone-throwing and the sentimental criticism. Let us start a discussion.
Chat with us at: klipindiebos at good old gmail
I realise I should probably keep a bilingual dictionary on my shelf, it could be quite useful. E.g. that last sentence feels like a bad translation. (“Kwaadpratery” and “wedersydse” to “criticism” and “mutual”…)
Sweet. Unlike many creationists, the author of this bit recognises that the Nazis were “Christians”. However, I am afraid this piece already sets off some alarm bells in my head. This again looks like an us/them thing: the members are committed to one another… not to the world? This again reinforces the stereotype of Shofar as a “we’re different, our community is better than others”, the very criticism that is often thrown at Shofar. “Separatists”? What I’d like to see is “the members are committed to everyone out there in the world”. Breaking down cultural boundaries within a new culture does not mean much, if all you end up doing is establishing a new culture with even stronger cultural boundaries.
Pastor Sias le Roux writes (my translation):
Welcome Firstyears! We invite you to become a part of our family.
We are a place where you can be and become what God called you to be. Stellenbosch is a place of possibilities and promises, a kaleidoscope of hope. It is in this environment, particularly, that we want to be a family for you, and create a place where you can develop during the most exciting period of your life.
Come, be inspired, empowered, and discover a true spiritual home.
This demonstrates well the dynamic of attracting first-years. Amongst first years, you find people unsure of their identity in a strange place, and are looking for a social support group. They are looking for friends. In particular, they’d love to find an easy answer to the question of their own identity. Not many societies offer that.
And they shouldn’t.
Receiving a “hand-me-down” identity turns you into a clone. Being handed an identity deprives you of one of the most important journeys you could embark on in your life. And if you don’t embark on it now, you might have to do so at 50, where a mid-life crisis could destroy your family.
Of course, a supportive community can be an invaluable asset in such a journey, but some kinds of communities can be much more of a liability than a help. They can end up telling you who to be, how you should feel about certain things, what music you should listen to, what movies to watch, who to date, who to vote for…
And Shofar has been accused of being that kind of community. Some people may argue, some people may find it is not the case for them, but still many people experience exactly that.
Are there needs that other societies or social structures are not responding to? (Apart from handing down an identity that is.) I suppose the first source of support would be student residences. What about people living privately? Societies cater to a particular shared interest, I don’t think there’s much that they need to do differently. I can’t really think of anything in particular, so I’ll leave the question hanging: are there needs that other societies or social structures are not responding to?
75 responses so far ↓
1 George // Apr 16, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Hi Hugo,
You wrote: “The naive optimist in me dreams that Christianity could actually get back to a place of radical inclusiveness and reflect the character of Jesus again, but this optimist is typically drowned out by my other side.”
I don’t think that is possible, without becoming “unchristian”. Christian dogma is inherently exclusive. It is based on having an adversary. I honestly cannot see how you could promote radical inclusiveness without altering Christian dogma fundamentally.
2 Hugo // Apr 17, 2008 at 1:36 am
So I’m hoping that Christianity will become “unchristian”? Yea, I guess so. No wonder I don’t call myself “Christian” anymore.
The “emerging church” is shedding much dogmatic baggage. Stellenbosch Gemeente seems to be following that path (and there I frighten people away from SG? hmm…), and I hear Moederkerk and SG have near-identical views on things. However, Moederkerk does have more traditional baggage, being a Dutch-reformed church. Their collection of creeds/catechisms makes them somewhat less flexible. I’ll be interested to see where that goes. Many say the Dutch Reformed church will end up splitting up (i.e. eventually stop existing in its present form). At that point, the necessary flexibility will be more accessible.
These are interesting times for people that enjoy studying the evolution of religion and culture.
3 Hugo // Apr 17, 2008 at 1:37 am
SG seems to be talking more about “the Way” than about “Christianity”. I don’t know how many members of the congregation notice this. Much of the things I “notice” might just be me looking for the patterns I’d like to see, and thus purely my bias speaking, rather than fact.
4 Hugo // Apr 17, 2008 at 1:42 am
And another afterthought. Sorry, I’m bad that way.
The Moederkerk is closely connected to the theological faculty, which feeds the Dutch Reformed churches. And that’s the source of Shofarian gripes about Dutch Reformed churches. Even Lesbigay isn’t concerned about the Dutch Reformed churches, on the grounds of “just wait for the next generation of theology faculty graduates”. Their concern is about intolerance preached from the more fundamentalist-leaning denominations (sorry, “non”-denominations…)
5 Ben-Jammin' // Apr 17, 2008 at 3:39 am
As long as the idea that ‘radical inclusiveness’ is good is justified by ‘Jesus said so’, Christianity will be inherently authoritarian, in my opinion. If you get to a point where you consider Jesus one mortal fallible human being who had good ideas among many mortal fallible human beings who had good ideas, is that still Christianity?
Oh, and to a different comment from your post: To an optimist, a realist is a pessimist.
6 Hugo // Apr 17, 2008 at 8:51 am
What about if Jesus is considered a personification of a certain ideal? I.e. with Christians adding a name to the ideal, but knowing in themselves what the ideal is? (Sounds a little humanistic, doesn’t it?)
7 George // Apr 17, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Naturally religion needs to evolve and adapt to society if it wants to survive. Christianity, no doubt, would also need to change. But I am not so sure whether it could change and retain its relevance.
When you no longer sell a solution to a problem you’ve created, what remains?
8 Hugo // Apr 17, 2008 at 11:44 pm
What remains? Community with a particular corpus of stories with which they raise their children and teach them a moral and appreciative worldview, with which they discuss how to live a good and compassionate life, a community working together to make a difference in their surroundings, working to make “the kingdom come”.
Something like that. Ideally.
9 The Big Chill // Apr 18, 2008 at 12:24 am
Ek het eergister ‘n Shofar-liniaal (to keep one on the straight and narrow?) van ‘n skerp en sublimely sarkastiese vriend gekry.
Ek dink nie midlife crises is beperk tot mense wat nie in hul twintigs die moed gehad het om al die moeilike goed in hul lewens uit-te-figure nie. Dis iets wat gebeur. No matter who you are.
10 Kenneth Oberlander // Apr 18, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Those posters with the “Lost” caption irritate the hell out of me…
Hugo:
Where did you hear this? If true, then this is an admirable thing for Shofar to do. Of course, if they are willing to hear criticism, then they should be able to take it…
Interesting use of the Voltaire and Gandhi quotes. So are Shofar (implicitly) admitting current versions of Christianity are flawed? If so, how is their (brand spanking new) version any better?
Slightly off topic, what is the current status of the Moederkerk and SG, in terms of numbers of faithful? I know that a lot of churches in Europe are slowly emptying out as their congregants die, or are attracted to more charismatic alternatives. Is the same thing happening here in SA?
Anyone have any data to share on this?
11 Hugo // Apr 18, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Individuals. It basically means there is a Shofarian that cares, not that the rest of the leadership cares. And what can one person, or even a handful of people do, to help an organisation with that much cultural inertia, and wedded to creationism, prosperity gospels and insane “purity codes”? After all, everyone must submit to authority on matters of doctrine and governance. The infamous Clause 11.
I’ve been thinking what could happen if there’s a support group for Shofarians that want to lobby for science sanity. The thing is, once they break with such doctrines of their church, it’s probably best for the individual to just leave. Who or how many would care enough to stay and make waves?
12 Kenneth Oberlander // Apr 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I don’t think a science lobby within Shofar is possible. You have to choose, one way or the other. Either science is correct, and your ministry elite are lying through their teeth, or everything they say is absolute truth, so keep giving your tithes, and denying reality. I can understand that this is difficult for someone sucked into this mess. And if you can maintain that level of cognitive dissonance, well, that might be worth something, if only to psychologists. But don’t expect the rest of humanity to sit idly by whilst you continue to peddle this creationist shit as true.
The fact is, if Shofar attempted such a science lobby idea, they would be shooting themselves in the foot! I cannot see Shofar ever endorsing such a thing.
What prosperity gospels and purity codes (I shudded to think) are you referring to?
13 Kenneth Oberlander // Apr 18, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Not you personally, Hugo…;-)
In case that wasn’t clear…
14 Hugo // Apr 18, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Prosperity and Purity
See Prosperity theology on Wikipedia. If you believe enough, and you do what you should, God blesses you with prosperity. “Purity movement” (my name for it) is similar, if God isn’t answering your prayers or you feel disconnected, it’s because you’re not pure enough, and need to recommit, give yourself to Jesus all over again. Note: this is not mainstream Christianity, this is pretty much the opposite of it. Quite ironic.
Jesus challenged purity codes. When I wrote this:
…the ellipses at the end contains many thoughts. Jesus’ challenge to the purity code is best understood in the context of a sect that raises the banner of “be pure!” to idol status. As I understand it, the Pharisees of old was one of these sects. (Note that Christianity started as a sect, I’m not using the “sect” word in derogatory fashion here.) The irony I see is this: the very thing Jesus challenged, is still seen today. And in that context Jesus’ message is best understood.
The problem is just how to show them that, when they’re not interested in listening, because they have their idols, they have their community, and they don’t want to give that up. They don’t want to lose their new family. (And I can quote more Jesus here… about Jesus bringing the sword and the like.)
Shofar’s “moral guidelines” and “purity codes” are known quite widely. I’ve blog friends that haven’t actually met Shofar in person yet, but know about it.
Science Lobby
Yea, it’s hard to challenge your leaders. I had a friend that used to be in Shofar. Then he went to Bloemfontein, and came to the conclusion that Shofar’s Fred May isn’t right about everything. Why? Because he found a new revival pastor that said masturbation is okay, which contradicts Shofar’s teachings. (Kissing for the first time on your wedding day is held as an “ideal”, btw.) They obsess over sexual purity. Such obsessions create the very problems that they’re trying to fight, so it creates a self-fulfilling loop. It keeps people “in the loop”.
In my case, I was in Shofar for, I think something like three months. Long ago. The point at which it all started falling apart, thankfully, was when I heard one single lie told from the pulpit. Told as hearsay though, so a statement like “Fred told a lie” will not hold. “Fred told a story of a person telling a story”, and that latter story was a lie. But it serves to illustrate the spell that they have over at least some of their congregation. Acknowledge a single lie and you tend to fall out of step with Shofar.
And yet, I think there are people in Shofar that do not accept all their teachings. However, these people aren’t serious enough about it all to actually want to make a difference. Standard apathy. No wave-makers.
On changing an institution like that, I think it can only be changed from the inside. From the outside, it can only be destroyed. At most. I’d prefer to see it changed. I do agree that the problem is that they are too wedded to black-and-white thinking. They teach that merely accepting an inkling of doubt, runs the risk of going to hell. They would likely fall apart if they were to publicly and openly acknowledge that they were wrong.
Another piece of irony, they have pretty much spoken a self-fulfilling prophecy over themselves: an organisation divided upon itself cannot stand… and then they go and ignore what they should have learned from all the schisms in the past. They take hard stances on the very things that cause divisions, thereby creating divisions.
SG and Moerkerk
I have no hard data. I have anecdotes from people in leadership positions in those churches. In the case of the Dutch Reformed church, many people believe it has enough resources to survive long enough to serve the current generation, but not much longer. That congregation/well does seem to be drying up. Serving is good, these people have grown up with a particular world view and a particular need, the church provides them with it. It’s good. A difference between congregations and leadership though: often the congregation takes the Bible literally, and the leadership doesn’t. (And this is why so many people run away from Dutch-Reformed churches and into churches like Shofar. As Angus Buchan, of “Faith Like Potatoes” fame, writes in his Shofar testimonial in the pamphlet: “It’s a church that’s transparent with no hidden agendas [...] what you see is what you get.” I can’t help but wonder if this is a stab at trained theologians in charge of other churches.) Quite a dilemma, the leadership has quite a weight on their shoulder. And it is remarkably difficult to get people to think. I don’t envy their leadership.
One answer I got to the question of “what does the future look like for the NG church?” was “about the same as the future of the NP party two decades ago”. So I wonder if there will be an NNG-church phoenix rising out of the ashes of the old NG church?
Moederkerk is doing well. Studentekerk fell apart. Interesting? The Moederkerk is more connected to the theology faculty. They are more progressive. The leadership is more aware of and connected to the emerging church conversation. Stellenbosch Gemeente had a couple of dozen members a decade ago. Right now they fill the largest hall in Stellenbosch more than twice over, pretty much every Sunday. (They have three sermons every Sunday, except during holidays when students are away, and all three are the same sermon, so you only have to come to one.) Shofar tried to steal the hall out from under SG. Nice for inter-church relationships that. The resulting auction-between-two for the Paul Roos hall caused a huge drain on SG finances. So now both Shofar and SG are looking to build new halls.
SG and Moederkerk are important. I believe it is the path out of the quagmire that South Africa sees itself in. OK sure, the evangelical atheists think atheism is the answer, but that’s not going to happen without heaps of pain. I’ve been watching SG for quite some time. It looks good. It provides a direction of growth for the individual. There are fundamentalists there, and there are free thinking individuals there. And they encourage diversity. In that kind of environment, truth can grow, truth can be discovered. And Moederkerk thinks much the same as SG. I’d like to explain more of SG, but I lack the time. And I’m also scared that defending SG to the atheists can result in scaring away Shofarians, who will need SG if they ever break with Shofar. (Sure, there are many ways of breaking with Shofar, one might be Freethinking Maties, but that isn’t going to work for everyone. Some walk out of Shofar with wounds that are bleeding. SG is a place where they can heal. A place where they can get pastoral care that they really need.)
In the past, I’d now end off with “and I’ve said too much”, but I’m tired of being diplomatic. More straight-spoken is better for my own mental health. And maybe the philosophers of old’s ideals are influencing me, both as a result of podcasts I’m listening to, and books I’m reading.
15 Ben-Jammin' // Apr 18, 2008 at 11:35 pm
How many generations have to try and change it – based on the same collection of ancient writings in the Bible – before it’s time to give up?
16 Hugo // Apr 19, 2008 at 1:32 am
Ben… I don’t know how to respond. I was wondering about my word choice, and clearly they weren’t ideal. Destruction is not an option, as in, it won’t happen. Change has a better chance of success. I’d like to see a network effect.
Responding further proves frustrating, so I’m not even trying. (Or rather, I’m deleting my attempt.) The point is I’m trying to make the best contribution I can possibly think of. I’m putting in some effort. My other option is to give up and not try to make a difference, and simply getting on with my life. A friend said “don’t bother trying to help Shofarians, they’re not worth it”. I disagree, I’ve decided I find it worthwhile to at least make some contribution.
The less-effort contribution that other people advocate making? I can always try doing that later. But this particular contribution is now or never. And it builds the foundations for other potential future contributions.
However, it requires patience. Please be patient with my blog. Thanks…
17 Al Lovejoy // Apr 19, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Marketing, hard agressive marketing is usually spent on a hard sell product, which needs dressing up and a play on consumer emotional responses to move it…
First posted on Shofar is a cult on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2361749801&topic=3750
“Arlyn, my extensive research has identified the following as the generally accepted characteristics of a cult:
1. It uses psychological coercion to recruit, indoctrinate and retain its members.
2. It forms an elitist totalitarian society.
3. Its founder leader is self-appointed, dogmatic, messianic, not accountable and has charisma.
4. It believes ‘the end justifies the means’ in order to solicit funds and recruit people.
5. Its wealth does not benefit its members or the community it occupies.
Okay, let’s take a look at each of those points in relation to Shofar and find those tiny spoonfulls of poison in Abraham’s parable of soup.
1. It uses psychological coercion to recruit, indoctrinate and retain its members -
There is a fairly simple formula that Fred and Lucille May use to control people and which of course gets passed on and propagated by their loyal adherents:
a.) Firstly, when the May drones recruit people, those cold recruits first need to be convinced that up until that point, by not wanting to be a part of Shofar – they are simply not interested in a living relationship with God. You will notice this in their justificatory statements like: “We cannot help it if we choose to be radical for God”, etc… with the inference that if you do not want to join Shofar, do the whole song and dance – meaning total submission to the Mays will and follow their “Foundations” to the letter – you are actually REJECTING GOD – not Shofar.
b.) People in Shofar who eventually confront Fred May on his twisting of Scripture are usually isolated completely alone in a meeting with the leadership where they do get to present their case or point but almost invariably they are warned that questioning Fred May is the equivalent of being in direct rebellion to God Himself and in danger of being cursed. If such a person persists with their “sowing division” – they are ostracised, gossiped and slandered over by the Mays in private to key people, usually at the Mays house and folks are warned that they will suffer the same consequences should they persist in being friends with these “backsliders”. Diseases and personal difficulties or tragedies are welcomed by Fred and Lucille May and then used to justify and prove “God’s Wrath” in these silenced dissident’s lives.
c.) Fred May claims to have power over diseases like cancer. He claims to have raised the dead. He claims that people who question him get fatal diseases or will suffer terrible consequences directly from the Hand of God…
2. It forms an elitist totalitarian society -
a.) Shofar claims to be in the business of “taking the whole gospel to the whole world” but since Fred May managed to get a foothold on campus, “the whole world” has stubbornly refused to include the local coloured areas and extended only as far as lending the Shofar name and limited guerilla support to a set of NGO’s in Kayamandi called Prochorus.
b.) While the Mays and the “Inner Circle” of Shofar enjoy a luxury ex-wine mansion as their “Headquarters”, no local poor black “Prochorus” and coloured people were ever seen there by my wife and I while I was their neighbour for nearly three years and never ever any desperately poor children.
c.) Fred May has consistently preached against the N.G. Kerk, the Catholic church and any individual he can use as a straw dog to burn as the only keeper of the knowledge of God’s will and revealed purpose – of course always positioning himself and ONLY himself and Shofar above all others.
3. Its founder leader is self-appointed, dogmatic, messianic, not accountable and has charisma -
a.) Self-appointed. No other pastor in Stellenbosch prayed over and anointed Fred May, he was not invited by the Administration of the University of Stellenbosch and he did not represent any other Christian organisation or have mandate from any discernable person other than God Himself. He also had no formal education from any recognised Bible College, not even a fundamentalist one! This is in spite of the fact that ample opportunity existed for Fred and Lucille May to join a growing renewal church called Stellenbosch Christian Fellowship, which was already a major student church and growing in the whole multi-racial Stellenbosch Christian community – instead preaching against it amongst the students and aimed against other mainstream churches to gain disciples for Fred and ultimately “Shofar”.
b.) Dogmatic. Dogma in the fundamentalist context refers to “doctrines”, something Fred May is obsessed with, especially “jezebel spirits” and “doctrines of demons”. His own doctrines of course, especially how he raises his money are reflected by his extra-Scriptural Shofar “Foundations”, which have to be completed before a contract is signed by the aspiring Shofar member wherein they sign away their personal responsibility and stewardship before God and instead place that authority in the hands of Fred May and his leadership allowing them open mandate to do as they please with people’s lives.
c.) Messianic. In the second last meeting my wife attended in attempt to formulate her own opinion of Shofar, in spite of being harrased and manhandled by Shofar “Ushers” under radio orders from Pastor Morne Bosch, she did manage to get to hear Fred May preach constantly and with smooth charming charisma about himself and how God had been speaking to him (and only him of course)… – something he has done ever since he first opened his mouth to preach the gospel of Fred May in Stellenbosch. If you do ever attend one of his sermons, analyse exactly how much he preaches about Christ and how much he expounds on Fred May and his unique, exclusive glory with constant reminders and colourful referalls to the long glowing resume of his HISTORY of incredible miracles. No one in Shofar has actually ever been a WITNESS to one of these dead raisings or cancer cures – in fact the very people whom the Mays personally advised to not get medical treatment or follow their oncologist’s prescriptions and instead listened to what Fred May told them (with obvious justifiable deniability) – ALL DIED.
c.) Not accountable. Up until a while ago – Shofar, i.e. Fred May was accountable to no one. Not the university, Not any other recognised Christian leadership in Stellenbosch – nobody except himself. Now he boasts the title of being the “Regional co-ordinator of the IFCC”. So he is at least aligned with another cultist with headquarters in another city, yet he still does as he pleases in white Stellenbosch and by recent personal experience – neither Fred nor Lucille will recognise and be accountable to local Christian leaders. One gets the feeling Fred would welcome them if they submitted to him and only him – FIRST, like his own leadership. He also needs to find “Sponsorships” by aligning himself with popular fundamentalist gospel media figures – giving the public impression that he recognises other Christian leadership.
d.) Has charisma – In buckets and more sincere than a snake-oil salesman.
4. It believes ‘the end justifies the means’ in order to solicit funds and recruit people.
5. Its wealth does not benefit its members or the community it occupies.
Arlyn, I’ve written a lot about this topic and even here you can see someone like Abraham (who aspires to being a “pastor” like Fred) pushing for paying people like him in a pyramid organisation, when Christ commanded us to give to the poor, something Fred May is opposed to so much that you will never find the desperately poor of Stellenbosch in a Shofar meeting, which flies in the face of all Fred May’s claims of involvement in the whole community – in the press. However, I think I’ve written enough about that topic and the message was clear and has been heard.
If I have time this week I will write about that fellow in George and we can get into mechanical solidarity, ignorance, arrogance and utter stupidity.
Al
P.S. Thanks for your comments on “The Smell of Tears” – you display a maturity rare in Christians, which is the reason why I am treating our conversation seriously and will continue it till a conclusion. God speed with your work…”
18 Hugo // Apr 21, 2008 at 3:59 am
The Big Chill (I’m curious about the nick):
Yea, true, a midlife crisis is not something you avoid by sorting things out in your twenties, but… yea, well, different crises for different people. … Naah, I’ll not dwell on examples.
A comment below the post, My Abstinence Education at d-C:
19 Al Lovejoy // Apr 21, 2008 at 7:31 am
I dunno H, I’m middle-aged, (you have no idea how much it hurts a hippy like me saying that) and at 45 you gotta start taking those Salusa 45’s and Vital over-45’s – so for me there is no backing out or denial.
20 vs. 40 -life crises?
I think the challenges of a young man are different. At that age – an education, a life mate – making a mark and finding your fortune (BTW, how is the States?) are the core of one’s pursuits and endeavours and the crisis one might experience are weighted accordingly.
A better example would be the transition to fatherhood for a man, something I am experiencing right now – and I am pretty convinced from interacting with other fathers, some my age and some in their twenties that age truly doesn’t have much to do with it – fatherhood (and motherhood for that matter and more so) is the same challenge with the same crises, regardless of how old you are…
It is much harder for anyone to live in the here and now and I try, and I mean really try to count the blessings I have become complacent with in the face of seeming disaster.
It helps me not to toss the baby out with the bath water when the takkie hits the tarmac…
20 Hugo // Apr 21, 2008 at 8:06 am
I hear ya. (Even if I cannot always understand everything I hear.
)
21 Andrew // May 12, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Thought I’ll add my perspective on this matter.
I think bulk of the offences that people have with Shofar is self-made.
I think it is a function of Afrikaner Nationalism that fathers of previous generation were/ are generally too busy with matters pertaining to money-making and race so they neglect their children emotionally.
This neglect manifests itself in a life long journey to belong somewhere.
Upon arrival in Stb, they find the perfect profile for a hero in Fred May. The black-looking cullert eloquent preacher with the blond wife!But this is a self-created idol and when the idol acts contrary to the person’s fantasies, the person freaks out and wants to tell the whole world about it. Sooner or later they find others like old Alex who is always ready to bitch and moan about Fred. Not that Alex is an Afrikaner.
If I could show it on a pie-chart it will be clear that most with offences against them are actually white and Afrikaner.
This is actually boring and those waiting for Fred’s downfall may well wait for a very very long time.
I’m not implying that Fred is without fault, but this is getting pretty pathetic now. Of course he has faults and has made mistakes…
Pls do not respond to this if you cannot reason logically.
22 Hugo // May 13, 2008 at 9:28 am
So far I have explained that I take issue with their rejection of science. In terms of the effect their teachings have on certain individuals, I hope to get an interview or two some time. I’m not sure they’re always aware of the lost sheep, the people that end up broken, due to their doctrines. This concerns me.
I have some other concerns, but I’m not sure how large an impact these concerns have. I’ll share them with time.
23 Kenneth Oberlander // May 13, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Andrew:
This is an interesting possibility. Do you have any evidence to support your hypothesis?
I see. You think this is self-inflicted. Objectors are setting themselves up for a disappointment.
I would be interested to see these data. If you have them.
A logical response. Very well.
The folks at Shophar deny science and the scientific method, because of their beliefs. These beliefs are unquestioned and unquestionable. They are dogma. I have two issues with this:
1) They are being hypocritical. If they truly wish to deny things like evolution, and be honest about this, then they shouldn’t allow their flock to get flu shots, or indeed any other form of immunisation. Not to mention use cell phones, drive automobiles, or indeed use any other form of technology with its roots in the scientific method.
2) They are spreading this denial of fact to susceptible minds. I find this contemptible, not to mention that it makes teaching scientific concepts, which are literally the bread and butter of our worldwide civilization, extremely difficult.
24 Andrew // May 14, 2008 at 9:37 am
Kenneth
I have read for a long time now about how terrible Shofar is.
I was part of Shofar in the early 1990’s and left the church when I relocated to Gauteng ie the reasons were “geographical” if you like.
I therefore know the leadership very well. Now I’m not the asscreeping type that will want to score a few points and hence I speak in my personal and private capacity. No church can claim to be perfect, the same applies to very scientific individuals like you. Now that’s not an insult but rather a fact.
We all believe things that are hard to prove with science. For example, I believe in an Almighty God and I will make no attempt to try and prove that.
My thoughts are based on observations, having been there and understanding the dynamic of what goes down there. It is symptoms that I see on a national basis and again that is my view.
I cannot talk on behalf of Shofar, but blokes like Alex and others, are not entirely objective. Read the pieces that “Al Lovejoy” has written about Fred. It is soon apparent that it’s personal, he has some “beef” with Fred.
The challange to the “Alex’s” of this world is to go out there and establish something and doing it on a sustainable basis – 20 years and so on.
What I can confirm to you today is that Fred May is not without fault like you and me, but he is a prophet. This simply means that God uses him to speak into the lives of many people. It will be hard to gather this “data” but if we wanted to it can be verified. The Lord has also blessed him with giftings as he has blessed you and me with giftings. For instance, Fred is a very talented musician and song writer, now that sort of gifting is not from the wicked one.
So why do I respond to this? Well I love blogging and see it as a very useful tool to share views and opinions.
25 Kenneth Oberlander // May 14, 2008 at 10:01 am
Andrew
Why should I take insult? I am in perfect agreement with you on this point. The difference is between being fallible and being actively ignorant.
Why not? Shouldn’t you at least look for evidence of his existence?
I have read those pieces. It is clear that he has some beef with Fred. Have you considered the possibility that this beef is justified?
If he is a prophet, then you should be able to gather evidence that he is such a thing. The very name prophet implies certain actions and abilities that can be tested.
How do you know this? Why is this not a natural consequence of his genetics and hard work?
Now, back to my points. Do you agree that Shophar denies science, particularly evolution?
26 Hugo // May 14, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I’m mostly observing, but here I want to chip in:
I’d be happy if everyone can realise the existence of God isn’t something provable. And I still believe it is fine to believe in God, in a sufficiently pluralistic society. That means I will defend belief in God, as long as believers respect “unbelief” as well. I will defend the non-theistic world-view as well thus.
Why? Because: (a) People get much benefit from theistic belief, once they’ve grown up with that world-view, and de-conversion is an ugly experience that can come with an experience of all the criticism typically aimed at atheism (that criticism should be addressed not to atheism, but to “the process of loss of the theistic world-view”). (b) I really don’t see much difference between theists and non-theists, I consider it a different way of relating to the world, the universe, and “God” (theistic language). That’s “not much difference” in the bigger picture, considering moderate, scientifically literate believers. The big differences is in the small things, what I call particular beliefs about God, like the supernatural-intervention thing. Basically I look at the continuum between liberal Christianity, deism, and ethical non-theism (e.g. secular humanism).
For the rest, I will focus on emphasizing the similarities, that we might all understand and appreciate one another, and get over our differences.
Does this make sense? Any questions? Sorry, I don’t mean to hijack the thread.
27 Hugo // May 14, 2008 at 1:48 pm
liberal Christianity, deism, pantheism, panentheism and ethical non-theism…
28 Kenneth Oberlander // May 14, 2008 at 2:19 pm
I think you know my position on this Hugo. I agree it isn’t provable, but it is most definitely disprovable, in the sense that one can addres the things that this god is said to have done. He is said to have created the universe in six days, to have created birds before land animals, to have made Eve from Adam’s rib, to have caused a worldwide flood etc. etc. All of these claims can be addressed on the evidence. And all of them have been found wanting. So although the existence of god cannot be disproved, the actions attributed to this God have been.
Not always. I agree deconversion is hard, and unpleasant, for many people. Not all. And once through this, my experience is many people are happier than they once were…
I agree. Moderate, scientifically literate believers, however, are not what this post is about, are they? I don’t think you or I would put Shophar into that particular category, at least on the topic of science…
Andrew, in case you are still around, I am sincerely interested. Do you think Shophar is anti-science? Do you disagree with the statements I made several posts up, and why?
29 Hugo // May 14, 2008 at 4:03 pm
All the things you list are in Genesis 1-11. “Sophisticated” Christians agree these are mythological, not factual. These are the theists/Christians that I defend. I don’t defend a literal interpretation of the Bible.
A Dutch-Reformed preacher/pastor mentioned to me that there is a disconnect between leadership and congregation: the congregation typically takes the Bible as the literal, factual, inerrant Word of God, whereas the leadership has a more educated stance on the matter.
Yes, I said educated. And I stand by “sophisticated”. These are value judgements, I guess. I have to emphasize that the leadership’s position is “good”, because merely mentioning this, already causes people to run away to literalist churches. (That’s what makes it so hard for these preachers/pastors to say things directly as they are. It’s so difficult to get people to start thinking for themselves.)
The reason I take this stance: for many fundamentalists, the best path to accepting science is to go to Stellenbosch Gemeente or Moederkerk (or a number of others I’m sure, I don’t know them well) instead of Shofar. I would like to keep all avenues open, while addressing only the biggest problems. I believe this is the most effective. But yes, I cannot prove it.
I emphasize a continuum, based on my beliefs that it is “for the best”. Others emphasize little boxes, little labels, and insist on switching from one label to another. I don’t think that is healthy. And I also don’t think that our contemporary “converting to Christianity, accepting Jesus into your heart” in a singular event, is what early Christianity was about. I’m a big supporter of early Christianity, when seen within their context, and understood the way I understand it: i.e. I realise other people don’t think the same of it as I do, and that makes statements like “I’m a supporter” tricky. I’ll be explaining this opinion at a later time, but in summary: Jesus’ challenge to the Pharisees and their legalism and purity codes, is still extremely relevant when you still have Pharisees with legalism and purity codes… teach the Pharisees what the Jesus they claim to be worshipping taught, provides, in my opinion, quite a “clean way out”.
I want the moderates “on board”. They’re not typically very evangelical, but I’m hoping we can still equip them with an understanding of Jesus’ teachings, and get them inspired to help out with the work. (Yes, I’m not a moderate Christian. I’m more of a “liberal Christian”, as the “conservative” Christians would label me. Weird labels, when I personally believe my views reflect Jesus’ views more accurately. But don’t all Christians believe that?…
)
Sorry about the verbosity. I hope Andrew is still around, and can ignore my comments.
30 Kenneth Oberlander // May 14, 2008 at 4:21 pm
On a side note, Hugo…some more letters in the Matie…I think you will like them.
Are you still going to the nuclear talk tonight? If so, I’ve got photocopies of the articles for you to read. I don’t think the Matie website has been updated for the most recent edition yet…
31 Hugo // May 14, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I’ll be there, thanks.
32 Andrew // May 14, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Kenneth
Mate, I more of a sports blogger than this type of topic.
But let’s see…
“Andrew, in case you are still around, I am sincerely interested. Do you think Shophar is anti-science? Do you disagree with the statements I made several posts up, and why?”
I personally do not think that Shofar is anti-science. Bear in mind there are different types of science, like social science which I’m more interested in.
But you and Hugo seem to be intellectuals. Actually an unfair comment as I did not really read your entries in a lot of detail.
That’s boring to me. Sorry I’m not always politically correct either. Certain things I just believe. Like Jesus who raised Lazarus from the dead, Who died on the cross.
These are life-changing believes for me. I know that I know that I know.
Your paradigm seems to be different from mine.
You seem hung up on facts. Truth however is in a higher dimension…
Please, no further patronising questions like, have you considered that Alex’s issues are correct. I know both parties. Shofar is definitely not always correct, but certainly aiming for God to touch lives.
Where are you based? Are you Dutch? Pls dont take offence to that, I just want to get a better feel for where you come from.
Hugo, same for you too pls. I am South African, cullert in National Party terminology and a believer that Jesus, an innocent man, died in my place so I can have eternal life.
Also – when conveying your thoughts, keep it short, or the bottomline as they would say.
33 Hugo // May 14, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Andrew, I’m in South Africa, but I lived in The Netherlands from 1990-1995.
I can’t classify as Dutch though, they wouldn’t give me a passport. 
I grew up with a Christian background, but have read enough stuff by Bible scholars that the conservatives won’t label me “Christian”. Based on my understanding of Jesus and what I believe it means to follow him, I still consider myself a follower. Borrowing from Terry Eagleton’s review:
I have a scientific mind and world view, and I think too much. Labelling me an intellectual might be correct. Typically I dislike labels, stereotypes, though I recognise that often they’re a necessary evil.
Too long? The “bottom line” is too subjective, language and world-view has too much of an impact on understanding. I think “bottom line obsession” is the root of much evil in the world: if we could build relationships before making judgements, we’d be better off. But, yes, again, we’re limited in the number of relationships we build, and are simply too interconnected. From there a struggle to adapt to living in a village of 6 billion people.
34 Hugo // May 14, 2008 at 6:16 pm
And here is an example of the sentiments that I point to when I suggest people distinguish between facts and not-facts. In the language of Meh and Lah, Andrew is talking about his “Meh”, while Kenneth is talking about “Lah”. When we discuss facts, we talk about “Lah”, or reality, which is the thing we share. “Truths” in subjective world-views?
The question here then, is whether Andrew would accept the statement “ok, never mind it’s truth then, it isn’t necessarily factual“?
Your truth, my truth… how does the post-modernist define “truth”? Andrew, can something that is “factually incorrect” be “true”? (I believe it can, depending on that definition. I’m not quite sure how to define “truth” when separating it from “fact”…)
Some story-cultures had stories start with the following: “I don’t know if it really happened, but I know it to be true…” Something to think about. Especially when translating “true” from non-modern culture or worldview.
35 Kenneth Oberlander // May 14, 2008 at 6:35 pm
@Andrew
The definition of science I am using is the pursuit of knowledge via the creation of hypotheses, and eventual evaluation of those hypotheses against evidence.
The reason I say Shophar is anti-science is because they disavow knowledge that has been gained by this process. Knowledge such as evolution. By doing so, they are denying, on the basis of faith, the very basics of the scientific process. Normally I have no problem with people’s beliefs, but in this case their own disbelief has led to spreading lies about science that directly impact my students and my profession. I find this to be poor manners and a most unChristian attitude, not to mention hypocritical, as I tried to explain in my previous posts.
I am sorry that my previous post sounded patronising. You are right in that I don’t know the various people involved. But I do know biology. I understand how immensely important biology is for our world, and for human prosperity and happiness. And it makes me very angry when people spread ignorant lies about science simply because they disagree with it.
36 Andrew // May 14, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Hugo
No, of course something that is truthful must be factually correct. You’re over-complicating the stuff.
Is it not interesting that Jesus said ” I am the Way, the Truth and the Life”
Fact then is a subset of truth. I somewhat battling to string my thoughts together on this topic, as I have not done so in a while.
Today is Wednesday is a fact. That’s it. Jesus died on the cross. Its fact first but more NB truth, difference then in what the implications are of that fact. Truth contains life-giving essence, and perhaps of spiritual substance.
” the truth will set you free”
In the spiritual realm where God, angels and demons live things are a lot simpler. You are either for God or against Him. It’s either Life or Death.
That’s it mates, chat again some time.
37 Andrew // May 14, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Kenneth
You chose not to indicate where you are based?
But from the other posts I gather that you are at Maties. And must be a lecturer or something.
” my students”
Dont let that worry you too much mate.
Oh now I get it… are you the lecturer who had some students walk out of a lecture? Read and heard it via via…
Hugo
vd Merwe – darem seker van Hollandse afkoms?
38 Hugo // May 15, 2008 at 12:32 am
Yup, I’m from Dutch descent. And my mother tongue is indeed Afrikaans.
Fact and Truth
OK, with Fact as a subset of Truth, it means we can have Truth that isn’t fact. I assume your above statement thus meant to say “something that is truthful must not be factually incorrect”… is that okay? And “Today is Wednesday” is a fact as well as a “truth” (if fact is a subset of truth)?
I understand that you mean that “truth” can be something more than “fact”, something beyond fact. I agree with that, in the sense that myths can communicate truths, without being factual. (The tricky part is how to find an example of these “truths” that are not also in some way arguably factual, to get to grips with the difference.)
I am the Way, the Truth and the Life
That is apparently a very interesting piece of theology, according to one of my pastors, though I haven’t had the chance to look into it, and the conversation didn’t go beyond mentioning the “interesting theological aspects”. Theology is complicated. And the statement is metaphorical, like the statement “I am the bread of life”.
Now where things get interesting, is that the Gospel of John is typically considered, by scholars, a highly theological text, rather than a strictly factual one.
In particular, please consider reading this comment on the Real Live Preacher blog.
But pointing out that the Gospels are accounts written by humans, and that John was the latest one written (much later than Paul’s letters, later than the synoptic gospels), and largely influenced by the developed theology and their understanding of Jesus, rather than what Jesus himself necessarily said, is not something that sits well with literalists…
Matters of Life and Death
I don’t believe in the literal understanding of that realm. And I don’t believe in such black-and-white ways of viewing the world. I’m not sure how that impacts me?
39 Kenneth Oberlander // May 15, 2008 at 8:30 am
Not choose per se, more forgot to mention. I am a PhD student who has been involved with teaching the 1st year Biology course over the last 5-6 years.
I get worried when students walk into our administrators office and refuse to study the section of the work devoted to the “E” word because they believe it is Satanic.
No, that’s not me…when did this happen? Did it happen in a Biology class?
40 Andrew // May 15, 2008 at 9:53 am
Hugo
Ok mate, so now I know who I am dealing with, in a very broad sense. I’m not going to put you in a little box now.
I see your reasoning and see that you are a curious indiv.
What do you make of my comments on 21?
You are right, theology is complex. Life too.
It’s a journey and one needs to consistently revisit ideas, perceptions etc.
Seeing that you guys are at Maties I’ll continue with the exchange of thoughts. A courtesy I extend cause I like the fact that your Rector is cullert and your new Chancellor is Van Zyl Slabbert.
I am unable to correspond during the day and it will be on a “as and when” basis.
Jesus once crossed the Sea of Galilea and encountered a man full of demons. The demons recognised Jesus as the Son of God and wondered he had come early to punish them – their punishment reserved as per Revelations.
Cheers man
41 Andrew // May 15, 2008 at 10:03 am
Kenneth
Well maybe I thought that’s what I heard – that some student walked out of a lecture. I may well have committed an error.
I agree that there are ways to handle and demonstrate disagreement. Being tactful is always more sustainable.
I am deeply concerned that Shofar is perceived to be these freaks as I can tell you that they are not. I still have contact with lots of old- Shofarites and I can tell you many of them are making fantastic contributions to society
Many are very successful in the “real world” out there.
I am proud that I was once a Matie – albeit for only 6 months – and look forward to pursue some further studies through the Graduate Bus School.
I dare you to visit the church and drop your defences. Whatever you dont understand or disgagree, just say – ag it’s cool man. Then when you believe you have really seen enough, make up your mind.
This would be the scientific way of gathering information.
42 Hugo // May 15, 2008 at 11:06 am
If anyone is interested enough to want to go visit, let me know. I’d like to go visit again some time.
43 Hugo // May 15, 2008 at 11:54 am
I gave my short answer in comment 22. I take note of your thoughts, and other people’s criticisms of e.g. Al Lovejoy’s way of handling the matter, and I go to great lengths to remove my own personal bias or vendetta. This does take a lot of effort and thought.
In terms of comments on “the bulk of offences”, I cannot say much. That requires knowledge of the typical opinion, the cross section of the people offended. I only know of my and my friends’ complaints. Mine I’m trying to share here, carefully, as de-biased as possible. My “offended” friends were never at Shofar, so your explanation doesn’t work for them.
One friend told me of another friend going hungry because he was giving too much money to Shofar, leaving himself with too little. They invited him over for dinner, to make sure he doesn’t starve. Another friend’s wife had a history with His People (now Every Nation), which is similar to Shofar. In their case the complaint I hear most, is about their fasting practises. Picture a medical student, needing to study, not eating enough to retain the information etc. They are much more critical of fasting than I am, I’m still reserved in my opinion, until I can understand the benefits and functioning of fasting. (I look for the good, before I allow myself to criticize.)
The rest of my critical friends have less explicit complaints, and more general “they believe crazy stuff” and “they are holier-than-thou, separatists”, “homophobic”, etc. kind of opinions. None of these fall into your explanation. And then there’s the odd case I’ve come across of people falling out of Shofar, spiritually and emotionally broken by their doctrines. (There’s one particular person I’m now thinking of, a pastor told me about him.)
So when it comes to your comment 21, I agree with:
…and I note it as such. It warns me of another kind of bias I need to avoid, on sharing my own opinions, and on interviewing other people for theirs. Thanks!
44 Andrew // May 15, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Hugo
And I think the friends’ experiences are all valid.
Question is: to what extent did they contribute to the state of affairs?
It’s easy to try and cum (ie 75% plus) Christianity and then over-give. Eg I have a R100 so I should probably give 10 bucks. But maybe if I give R100 then the Lord will bless me 10 fold. Then there’s no money. Who is the problem here?
Fasting. I remember back in the day Shofar and I mean Fred used to caution okes who needed to write exam.
Again, if someone is coming from a background of “gatkruiping” meaning seeking acceptance, approval, endorsement through what you DO as oppose to who you are – then one is susceptible to the OVERDOING thing. You know very often there is a thing in Afr families of: I love you because you cummed your degree and not because you’re our daughter/son. A bit exaggerated but you get the gist.
My personal experience is that Fred, with the way that he is – a big picture guy – needs to focus on making those big things simple and practical for the average over-eager Matie who joins Shofar. The problem I think also lies to a large extent with interpretation as oppose to what is being said. But then Fred and those around him need to take ownership of that.
Ironically – Shofar right now to my mind needs scholars like yourself to get in the mix – like Paul who was a fine scholar needed to get in to take the message to Gentiles ( Dutch and their offspring from nativess too) The other blokes who just happy to stick around in Jewish territory or Jerusalem. So put that in your pipe and smoke it …
45 Scientists Have To Believe In Evolution… // May 15, 2008 at 12:33 pm
[...] wilfully ignorant of the evidence, you can get by while ignoring evolution. Maybe that explains why some students refuse to study the section of the work devoted to the “E” word, too “satanic” to even say the word… They choose ignorance, maybe suspecting that [...]
46 Hugo // May 15, 2008 at 1:33 pm
At the point of starvation, you’d go for the 10% guideline, not more.
I’m quite certain that Shofar wouldn’t like to take advice from me. I’m not even a member, and I cannot become one. And members are to submit to authority on matters of church doctrine etc anyway. From there the only hope I see is that some people at Shofar, that are close enough to leadership, can make a difference, inspired by some of the “emerging church” authors, or by my blog.
47 Al Lovejoy // May 16, 2008 at 9:57 pm
The only fool bigger than the one trying to name something un-nameable is the one that thinks that it can buy something from it … Andrew, for me there is absolutely no point in engaging you in debate – oftwel in die Lovejoy gesin se huistaal of nie (mense soos ek is seker maar soos Afrikaans sprekende hotnotte vir jou wat die konsep van nie-Afrikaer, seker maar Christen ook … aanbetref … ek het sommer ‘n lekker woord vie jou, noem my maar ‘n Afrikaker, dan kan ons in ons huistale gesels en jy kan nog altyd jou Shofar Afrikaner Whatever “sub-set” behou …) – you display a complete lack of intellect or even the capacity to remain with the parameters of your own challenge to logic discourse.
What a tit.
A Jewish Communist medical doctor in Soviet Russia came to believe in Christ whilst serving out a sentence in a Russian gulag, he was only able to share his experience of faith with one other man before he was murdererd … that man happened to be Alexander Solzhenitsyn and he told his story to the world.
You have obviously never read Acid Alex, like I said – what a tit … take that from old Alex and smoke it.
48 Al Lovejoy // May 16, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Dit was glad nie ‘n uitnodiging om met my in Afrikaans – of oor geloof in my Vader – of debat te knoop om ‘n stuk gemors soos Fred May en sy liewe-heksie vrou met haar vuil bek en hulle geld gretige makkers…te verdedig nie – glad nie , please don’t misunderstand me literally or logically in the tiniest…
What a stupid
tit.
49 Andrew // May 16, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Alex
To be perfectly honest I actually forgot that you were part of this exchange of ideas. I promise you that. You are not as compelling as what you think you are…
I then read your comment and went back to mine to get a backdrop for your umpteenth tantrum, and saw that I stated the following:
1. You are not entirely objective
2. You have personal issues with Fred May (beef)
3. You should, as oppose to criticising an establishment, go do your own thing ie lead by example
Now based on your response, I must have hit a raw nerve there. Look at the tone of my exchanges with Hugo and Kenneth – all pleasant if you ask me.
But you must always play the man and not the ball. I did not invite you to engage me. It will be boring, ’cause when you can’t have things your way you will hurl insults. I’d say that is pretty pathetic behaviour …notice I’m referring to the behaviour.
Right now, you are embarrassing yourself here.
By the way, you have been quite adamant with the “Al Lovejoy” concept; who knows – maybe this could well be thing that you run with in a sustainable basis.
I think at first people were quite prepared to give you a hearing, but as the weeks and months went by people started saying to themselves, let’s not jump to conclusions here.
I know you have the intellect Alex, but I think you need to invest in character development. You dont just your ass only to look after now.
Note: This is not an attempt to engage you. I’m doing in the context of my constructive exchanges with Hugo and Kenneth.
50 Al Lovejoy // May 16, 2008 at 11:41 pm
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
51 Hugo // May 16, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Thanks guys, that served for a good chuckle. I hope you’ll leave it there.
52 Al Lovejoy // May 17, 2008 at 8:14 am
Ag, Hugo – I’ve got better things to do than dance in the same silly little circles with yet another adoring May clone. This poor tit doesn’t even realise how much he sounds like the Mays and reasons like the Mays …. hit a nerve? don’t play the man? What an utter fool – he, wants “logical” discourse, “objectivity” – everything he is unable or unwilling to give because I said a perceived nasty about his idol. He cannot refute one single point of why Shofar is a cult as listed above “logically” or even superstitiously – the real problem of course is not the May’s being uneducated, uninvited, money parasites for Jesus in Stellenbosch – it’s my deplorable character!!!!
Let us test this great “prophet”, this “curer of cancer” and “raiser of the dead” – shall we??? You made the statement Andrew, no one else here did – now put your dripping disdain where your groot bek is and follow this through. We all already know exactly what sort of a cunt you think I am – so don’t waste our time with me, my irrelevance, my diseased mind, whatever, whatever, whatever…, you know – the same crap the May’s drag out to try use to backfoot insecure people. I understand – I’m not insecure, I don’t pander superstition, I don’t leech money off people for Jesus and get them to adore me for my fake historical miracle stories, ergo I am an ineffective child of God. We heard you, no need to re-invent the wheel. Instead, let us test this “prophet” of yours.
Fred May’s last words to me were: “Alex, God has told me to tell you that I must trust you…”
Now Andrew, you have to agree that the Prophet May spoke into my life that night and he even took time out to come to my front door to tell me personally, so we cannot even blame it on one of his wild nonsensical outbursts under “The Anointing”…
Logically, it is either a statement that demands an amen or he is a false-prophet. It is that binary. And for argument’s sake, let us suppose that I actually do have more integrity than to come and talk kak or lie here. He said it okay … now you judge your prophet and tell us if he is false or not, because my advice to Fred and Lucille is to either take responsibility and face me publicly for their despicable deeds and the filthy lies they continue to say about me and others – or shut up, give the money back and get out of Stellenbosch.
Second test: When brother C contracted cancer back in the early days, Lucille said publicly that he got sick because he refused to change his views from what Scripture states and amend them to Fred May’s Shofar doctrine. Just like me. He defied Fred and God struck him down with cancer for his rebellious and jezebel spirit. That Andrew, is prophesy. A witch’s prophesy but one never the less. Let’s test this witch, shall we?
The test lies in this, C’s cancer went into remission and he is healthy, happy, a father and still a committed Christian – just like me and far from repenting to Fred and Lucille and submitting to their small wills, he is yet another public witness from the original Shofar “inner-circle” and an “elder” who maintains that the Mays are utter fakes and financial frauds. So once, again – either she is real or a fake
…somehow it speaks for itself.
And Andrew, how many witnesses does Shofar need? Scripture only requires two.
53 Andrew // May 17, 2008 at 10:35 am
Ok Alex I hear you.
I think I better bring this to conclusion as you may be a bit on the thin side when it comes to self-control.
And I want you to “druk jou snawel in ‘n klompie Omo water en gorrel lank, jy vloek lelik man, skaam jou”
It is not clear that you can remember me, but you seem to not too bad with remembering last words, so here goes ” I want you to prosper Alex.”
Cheers son.
Note:
I know who brother C is. He is a man that I have the highest regard for, among others for his intellect. Not everyone that can cum your Mech Engin degree. I know about his situation and will chat to him in person when I’m down there again.
He has a great sense of humour and very likeable. Congrats C on your baby, may there be many more for you and L !
Hugo, thanks for the platform and congratulations with the Masters, eventhough you felt you underperformed. It’s in the bag.
54 Al Lovejoy // May 17, 2008 at 8:07 pm
“Sooner or later they find others like old Alex who is always ready to bitch and moan about Fred. Not that Alex is an Afrikaner.”
“but blokes like Alex and others, are not entirely objective. Read the pieces that “Al Lovejoy” has written about Fred. It is soon apparent that it’s personal, he has some “beef” with Fred.”
The challange to the “Alex’s” of this world is to go out there and establish something and doing it on a sustainable basis – 20 years and so on.
“Alex, but I think you need to invest in character development. You dont just your ass only to look after now.”
You don’t know who I was born to, you don’t know my legal name, you don’t know my wife, you don’t know our home language, you don’t know my son, you do not even know how I make my living, what I’ve achieved or where my boy was born – and more than anything you don’t know how much we love Robbie – Go fuck yourself you snivelling little prick, and here is a promise, a serious solemn promise: You want to take me on hardcore passive-aggressive – insult me personally, play word games and try and deride my character to defend a dirty slimy fucking piece of parasitic shit and his poisonous bitch of a wife … you want to make it that personal do you? You a tough guy? Really? I solemnly promise you, if I have the pleasure of meeting you again – I will give you the fine benefit of a different sort of insult to be on the opposite end of – for no good reason too and I will carefully fuck you up badly girlfriend in my finest professional style and I’ll do it just for the “I want you to prosper” horseshit and because I can.
Gee fuckface, now you really have something barbaric and obscene to deplore and when we meet …
(P.S. I said I’m going to fuck you up, that means I don’t fight clean pinhead)
55 Al Lovejoy // May 17, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Hugo, I’m going to leave you to the next three years of wasting your time with these idiots. I mean it about slapping him though, I will take almost any insult but he crossed the line with my son.
He will get a slap if he is stupid enough to cross my path. I will continue the other conversation with you elsewhere … I am just to sick and sat of these fucking Shofarians climbing into my character whenever I question the Mays and their fraud and bullshit – do you know the day my son was born I celebrated 10 years of being clean from smack. A ten year milestone in my journey out of organised crime. Acid Alex has changed thousands of lives worldwide – they send me letters.
These sick freaks would far rather have me in a shit hole with a needle in my arm than a happy married father – anything to get me to shut up about the thieving hotnot they worship.
And of course, I know it freaks you out when I lose my temper … so I should shut up and go … my apologies to the scientist “athiests” (I have my own opinions on that), I think you are all cool, intelligent, well read and as sure as shit – you weren’t so weak and pathetic that you handed over your heads and 10% to some slimebag without the scientific or theological education to even speak … I’m usually a lot more reasonable
Al
56 Al Lovejoy // May 17, 2008 at 8:44 pm
I’ve had the dubious fortune of being incarcerated some of the most evil men on this planet and I could understand most of them – but lying filth like Fred May, a sleazy social parasite who has nothing to give of his own hands because everything he has came from his lies and from someone else’s sweat, an evil man who lied and would have had me put in prison for a crime I did not commit just for telling him the truth about Christ to his face … I don’t understand, and I never will…all I can do is shout and when necessary fight until I can’t any more.
Ciao, I’ve a got a little boy to go see to…
This is for those who don’t know who brother C is:
Hi Alex
I hope this gets through to you. You might not remember me, but I was part of Shofar when you were around, in fact, you slept over in my room for a couple of nights while me and a mate watched over you during one of your drug rehabilitations or detoxes. This was end of 1993. We even brought you cigarettes when you were in Stellenbosch Hospital! I have followed, with interest, your campaign against the Mays.
I am not really interested in getting involved in all of this, but I am not too sorry to see them sweat a bit. When I contracted cancer in 1994 they dropped me like a hot potato, even though I was a member of the “inner circle”. The sad thing is their hold on our minds was of such a nature that my first reaction was to consider what I had done wrong, where my sin was. I even went back to Shofar once the chemotherapy was over. But by this time my eyes had been opened and I realised that they were not the sincere “nice” Christian people I thought they were. In a confrontation with Fred just before we left he started out by telling me what my big problem was and why I could not go ahead with God. I stopped him in mid stride and told him that I had felt betrayed when they dropped me with the cancer-thing. He actually admitted this and apologized, but the simple fact that he had never from his own convictions apologized was enough for me. We simply left.
Afterwards we found out that Lucille was telling everybody that I had contracted cancer because I had defied Fred. I assumed that these statements followed because I had told Fred once that I do not accept his doctrinal views on a certain matter. He then wanted me to promise him that I will only share the Shofar doctrine and I responded that I could not do so with a clear conscience. The discussion ended with him telling me that I should be willing to accept the consequences of my actions. They must have been overjoyed when I contracted cancer.
Over the years I have met so many people who were damaged and hurt by the Mays. Even Lucille’s own sister was kicked out of Shofar and Lucille basically spoke a curse over her life when she and her husband left Shofar. Lucille is a venomous person; I really have no time for her. Fortunately I have very little fear of these types of “curses”. Her sister seems fine too lol. By the way, my wife helped them (the Mays) out at home for a spell and after that she would refuse to go to any form of counselling where either of the two Mays was involved. It seems they often told their house guests about things that people shared with them during counselling sessions. My wife was really shocked by this.
I have moved on, you say that you are doing this to help those currently involved with Shofar. I hope this is the truth, because life is meant for positive things my friend. I have recently become a dad for the first time. A miracle as we thought we could not have kids (not bad for a “cursed” guy!) You might remember J, he and his wife are now helping drug addicts somewhere in Europe, they have two lovely kids. They also left Shofar under a cloud (I think his wife claimed that Fred had acted inappropriately towards her at one stage). But since only 1 person has ever been kicked out of Shofar (big lie!) I guess they left out of their own free will. But he is a lovely person, a real Christian. What happened to Guys? I often think of him and wonder if he ever “made it”. He was such a deeply hurt human being. I think nobody at Shofar was ever qualified or equipped to help someone with such desperate needs. In the end so many of us were really sincere but naive young people. We really believed that there was something special at Shofar, and the truth is that in the beginning things were beautiful. I have so many fond memories of these times. When you were not on drugs you were a joy to have in a small group. I am glad you are drug free. You are a better person without.
There is a dark part of me that desperately wants revenge. I would love to see them suffer for the lies they have told, the lives they have damaged. But I have better things to do. I think we all believe that at some stage they will come to a fall – that this type of extortion and exploitation will stop. But you do as you see fit. Just remember that there is a difference between Shofar and the people involved. I will never call the former a church, it is a business, the latter is the church and with her we should be gentle.
C
PS: I see you are sporting a new range of tattoos. I could not help but chuckle, does one of the old ones not say: “Child of Destiny” with a dagga-blaar at the top! LOL
Hi Brother C
I’ll stick to that because I don’t know how well known your internet handle is and I want to retain anonymity outside of the old “inner circle” because I am going to publish this. I don’t really know quite what to make of your letter, so I’ll deal with it in sections.
It is truly wonderful that you overcame cancer, praise God. And what a blessing it is to be a father, even expectant like I am currently. Not bad for two cursed guys!
C, have to tell you, I do find it saddening that you remember me mostly as a mandrax addict whom you watched detox once a long time ago. If that detox were a murder, I would have served my time for it already and been paroled. I don’t know if you have read Acid Alex yet, but I make it clear that in my opinion addicts of all species and plumage are living out their internal emotional pain, fears and spiritual damage. When I look back at the way I attempted to kill that agony with ugly debilitating drugs – I do so with different eyes, and I do not look down on myself in any way because I have looked deeper than that and done it through the eyes of grace. Some of my friends are in the very same place today and I would never, ever look down on them for trying to quit no matter how sick it makes them. And Tash and I would do anything to assist. And I would never ever take them back to that place when they had recovered to remind them of it fourteen years later. I would not want to embarrass them or attempt to make them feel small. But that is just me. My wife Natasha is a very gentle and beautiful woman but her blunt comment to your letter was: “Jy kan iemand uit Shofar neem – maar kan jy nou actually Shofar heeltemaal uit hulle neem?”, admittedly she was being cynical because in her recent nasty interview with Lucille – she dwelt on that specific detox deeply and contrary to your account, it was actually her and Fred who stood by my bed day and night until I was better. I remember your account more accurately.
C, I was a drug addict. A bad one. It nearly killed me and had me hospitalised on numerous occasions. I’ve faced life imprisonment for it, yet I consider it ALL joy that I came through that dangerous trial because it took me to a place where I was taught what grace really is, and that it is God and Him alone who led me into a relationship with Our Father and who always has and always will watch over us. Like J and his wife, I have a deep compassion for people hurting themselves with chemicals and self-destructive habits, but don’t see anything on the outside – I’m only interested in the pain and fear that drives it. I met an old friend in the parking lot of Boord Spar the other day and although M is still the remarkably beautiful woman she always was, she had a thin scar dissecting her neck in a sine wave type cut. I inquired carefully into the injury and she told me it was from surgery in her own fight with cancer. She also beat it and it is in complete remission but she laughed when I asked if she had been frightened because she reckoned, like me she had beaten heroin addiction – and she was more frightened of that while it was happening than she was with cancer. Crosses come in all shapes and sizes and we all have to bear our own and I am certain that Our Father allows us this for a purpose. My brothers, my true brothers are mostly men like me. Rob, John-John, Verster. Rob is a drug of choice juice junkie like me and Sterra and John-John coke heads. We’ve watched each others backs through relapses, clean time, more relapses, bad times, back on the wagon, etc and it has made us stronger and love each other as brothers more and more. For Rob and me, we are currently both on the wagon and his second laaitie and our first are going to be separated by about seven weeks. John-John is on the back end of secondary phase recovery. And we tell each other everything. Including when it goes wrong. That is love in it for the whole distance, exactly like Our Father is with us in all our trials.
I am doing this for a lot more than Shofar C. What Fred and Lucille represent is an extreme example of the festerous sore that has become entrenched, evident and accepted throughout the Body affected by the Word of Faith movement. That means Rhema worldwide, and more importantly Ray McCauley, the IFCC and every other abusive ministry like the one the Mays are running as a business right here in beautiful broken Stellenbosch.
The reason why I have taken the May’s to the mat on simple social and financial immorality – is because an imbecile worshipping a stone could tell you that transferring hard earned money from a single mother’s savings account to Shofar’s corporate current account for any reason takes food from her child or children’s mouths. Hard cold fact. Telling you God cursed you – we can debate for days. That is why I focussed on money directly.
You must remember Griesel. It utterly sickened me watching Fred become his best friend and weave his spell of blessings and curses over him to get his hands on the inheritance money – “for the Lord’s ministry”. See, it’s like Koos Kombuis said in the Rapport on Sunday – anyone who hands over money to the Mays is doing it of their own free will and it isn’t against the law to do so – but when people are carefully and deliberately lead to believe they will either be cursed or blessed by God Himself for something as base and corrupting as money – depending on their heartiness and generosity – we have moved onto an old criminal activity in organised crime, something Jesus called extortion. Making someone fearful or guilty before God as a means to extract cash from them or playing into their subliminal greed with esoteric promises – is nothing more than criminal extortion and confidence trickery. And it is born in pure unbelief that God is not He who supplies all our needs in Christ Jesus. People give only in the expectation that they will be blessed and that is a terrible thing because it does not lead the church away from materialism and into a life marked by selflessness – of which our finances only play a small part and in which we are all equally responsible in the dispensation of our stewardship before God.
A woman on her own with a child is a person who suffers the most burdens of anyone in any society anywhere. And to isolate her further through guilt and add to her burdens financially in the church is not only contrary to every single passage that speaks of the fatherless in Scripture – it invokes all the terrible warnings upon the church to actively engage in doing so – for that and that alone is the primary Pentecostal and evangelistic task of the church.
Exactly the same applies to orphaned students. The deep insanity of it is that this is exactly the sort of thing that Martin Luther was opposed to!!!
Of course they are going to claim everything from their house, cars, to mansion offices, designer clothes and salaries are all “blessings” from God in the form of “gifts”. They are really not that stupid. But we are Christians C. If God “blessed” me with Oude Molen – it would be Oude Molen Kinder Huis right this second. It is and always will be – WHAT we do with our gifts that matters to Our Father.
I too have no idea what poison possesses Lucille’s spirit. I have become a member of a lovely family, from Oupa and Ouma all the way down to my beautiful little nieces. I cannot imagine any reason for any person in our family to curse another. Especially in the event of a frightening illness. That is something that comes with unconditional acceptance because while our family is not perfect, it is the love in it that binds us together so closely – through both success and disaster. I have no fears for the future, because if something happened to me and Tash, Robbie would still grow up surrounded by love and care every single day of his life. There is no currency worth more than that.
I am long over the May’s C. I have my own walk and ministry with my Father. Our personal dream is to achieve financial success independently for our personal children’s trust fund and begin our own private children’s home. With everything we have, we both want the maximum amount of children the law will allow us, and whom no one will have to adopt as our own. But we promised ourselves that we would trust Our Father and Him alone for the material means to do it – and I am determined to realise that through sales of my literature and photographic fine art, both here and overseas. After seeing so much ugliness through money in the church, neither one of us will ever ask for help like that. Not using the children’s plight as an excuse. I became involved in doing that for a while but when I examined my motives, I found myself wanting – so I will trust that my Father looked ahead and instilled enough talent within me to satisfy my overwhelming need to be a father to the fatherless. Christ not only tells us that we must bear our cross He also promises to bear it with us.
My crusade to see Oude Molen into Oude Molen orphanage is more than an attempt at flushing the Mays out over their blatant emotional and spiritual manipulation and sleazy financial scamming; it is to bring to the student Body of Christ the hands on importance of understanding that faith without works is dead. And here in our contemporary world we are surrounded by a silent, massively growing population of fatherless children – who are going to impact on our futures as predictably as global warming unless something utterly radical is done to recognise the seriousness of the problem and actively change almost every activity the lends to its growth. That means learning first hand, day in and day out as a greater church how to care for them and love them right here in Stellenbosch. For each believing student, this period in their young spiritual walk should be marked by the memory of this ministry they were all involved in while they were studying. The truth of the matter is that if Oude Molen were turned into an orphanage next week, in the future, there would be students graduating with their doctorates in hand with heartbroken tears as they say good bye to children they’ve come to love deeply – who under any other circumstances would have been dead before they graduated, degree, Christian books and super gospel band CD’s in hand.
The student Body of Christ, regardless of denomination, are One Body in Christ and among them, the only voices raised in heated contention – all surround Shofar, its doctrines, theories, foundations and social practises. The greater body of students don’t see this as the direct influence of the Mays and their curses and blessings brainwashing – they just see the logo the t-shirt and the smug self-righteous expressions and respond in anger, irritation and rejection.
Those who attempt to mimic the Mays should be stopped dead in their tracks, with absolutely no nonsense tolerated – exactly like the Mays need to be stopped, because regardless of how offended they might feel at the time, the Christian part of them should be screaming that there is something wrong. But C, you know as well as I do that it is a spirit the Mays brought into Shofar from the beginning and which is perpetuated and has been perfected in its replication by the Mays through trial and error. People like us, in all the laughable irony of one domino pushing down another to please and defend the bitter ego of one man and his poisonous wife – were their learning curve. They learnt to deal with people like us by firstly convincing us we are out of God’s will and have unclean motives and spirits that only Fred can discern and expel. If we did not bow to his will and his leadership’s threats we were ostracised, gossiped and slandered over and called cursed.
So many beautiful Christians suffered this and had their friendships and fellowship torn apart – and almost all of them were usually confronting Fred May on his twisting of Scripture and false doctrine. I know that there are students in Shofar, who are not in it just for the fun social ride and the thrill of being considered controversial because they have been convinced they ahead of the pack spiritually – they are led by the Spirit and find their final authority in the Word.
They are going to suffer the same fate as the rest of us when they scrape up the courage to confront the Mays. And I will not stand by and watch it still happening indifferently. The Mays must be exposed to the world for exactly the nasty people they really are. And I don’t think that has anything to with revenge, it is meant as warning and a prophylactic measure to those who are not completely sucked in.
Stay well and all the best for you as a family, may you have more children to love.
Al
Hi Alex
Fred once told this story, way in the beginning, of a lady he had prayed for with cancer who got healed. When my dad was nearly at the end I finally managed to convince Fred to come and pray for him at home. He did exactly as he did in the story he had told. It was then that I realised that this was all a hoax, all of this was fake and the stories were just stories. Needless to say we buried my dad shortly afterward.
I once visited you with J in the house across from Fred and Lucille in Die Boord. Fred arrived at some stage and crapped you out about something. He said that you would do well if you just followed in J and my “spiritual” wake. Those were his exact words. At the time I felt really flattered but afterwards it made me feel rotten. You never said anything during the session. It was kicking a man who was down. I am sorry about that and for that I apologize. But the rest was an experience. I always thought of you as a highly intelligent person who really had a shit life as a kid and had had to, as a result, struggle through addiction etc. I did not remember your tattoo because it showed you up as an addict, it was just something I remembered about you. Like the way you sometimes spoke: sucking in your breath audibly through your teeth when you were about to launch into a monologue! LOL Do you still do that? I also remember the jokes during “Bible school”. You once passed me a note that asked: “What is this sound: Shlliiick, thwoop, thwack, whikata whikita”. Answer: “Confidently extracting your sword and embedding it in your enemies forehead at a distance of 5 meters”. I think the topic of discussion was some Israelite invasion or conquest.
Bottom line: you and Guys were warning signs along the road. Shofar was not able to help you, in fact, we saw so many people like you turn away, worse off for the experience. I never saw any miracles during my time there. Only stories about Fred and his glorious past. I was never in it for the money. I came from a rigid religious experience and the prospect of a God who cared to interact with us, respond to us – was just something I had to experience. I think many such people are currently in Shofar, but their hopes are being shaped and raped by the doctrines there. The innocent hunger after a living God is slowly being turned into a desire for the fake experience which Shofar offers.
Thank you for your kind words. I am really sorry if you or your wife misinterpreted my first message. It is deeply painful to hear that someone thinks I am still “Shofar” on the inside, but I understand where your wife is coming from. I am not. I am overjoyed that you have found peace. A child is beyond words. It is seeing God. Many more to you as well. (We are still not sleeping ……. 3 months and counting).
Go well.
C
Thanks C
I’ll let Tashie read this when she comes home tonight. And ja, we are excited beyond belief. Our due date is around the 10 June and we have confirmation it is a boy!!!
Stay well mate, I hold nothing against either you or J, I know you were trying to do what you believed was the right thing and you had to go through it yourself too. Tashie is very sensitive at the moment, she had to go through Lucille’s nonsense recently and wants to donner anyone judging me. Toe maar, it’s all good and I’m very glad we came out of it okay with our faith intact. If truth be told, I actually owe Fred a thank you. If he had not lead me to believe I had lost my salvation – I would never have discovered grace at the gates of hell and understood that God is in it for the long haul regardless of what anyone says…
Al
57 Al Lovejoy // May 17, 2008 at 8:59 pm
And let this sink home to you other folks observing this and wondering why I am so hard on a May clone: One of Fred May’s stock trade prefaces to a wild sweeping statement about someone or something he does not like or feels threatened by is: “The _____s of the world ….”
That is how much Andrew is quoting his master verbatim in his insults to me….
58 Andrew // May 17, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Alex
I’m sort of torn between responding or not, but seeing as I have no other vehicle I’ll say a few things.
1. Slaps – no problem there; self-defence ok?
2. My alleged insult to your family, I think not. And this is really what I want to say.
I understand that you dont know me and will consequently will see me in that way. I have absolutely nothing to gain by insulting anyone’s family.
You have said a lot of things that’s really not Ok.
But I decided to correspond here and thus opened myself for disagreement/abuse. That’s Ok too.
I really value family and wish you, your wife Natasha (from what I can gather) and Robbie (?) all of the very best. How old is your son? I ask your forgiveness if you felt that I insulted them.
This is a disagreement between you and me and it is unnecessary to branch it out to your loved-ones.
I will see if I can set up a meeting with you perhaps if I’m in the area again. Are you still based in Stb?
59 Al Lovejoy // May 19, 2008 at 9:51 pm
You deserve a fuller explanation for why I freaked out at that prick on your blog. I usually treat my friends better, but this is a little beyond our offline acquaintance in that more people are affected. Tash and I chatted about it in hospital and came to the conclusion that Andrew is just as much a victim as he is abuser and perpetuator of Fred May’s psychological nasties and abuse.
See, the objectivity that Andrew attempts to pander seriously – is one thing no Shofarian is able to present, because in the words of Fred May – “The Andrews of this world” are subject to Fred May and filter everything through the controls he has placed in his disciple’s minds and they even sign and pay for. I’m writing this off-line so I actually haven’t had the time (or any inclination really) to return to your blog and check out the responses … but let me finish writing this, try find somewhere to post it (or I’ll just do it from home as usual tonight) and see (without peeking!!!) if I can predict Andrew’s response/s to me based on known data.
He will repond, the “Fred May” in him has to and that is piss predictable.
In the course of that whole discussion, I prove the Mays to be cultists, financial frauds and fakes, yet because I swore at him and promised him a slap for being so crudely personal – he perceives it a loophole and the neat opportunity to pass judgement on my character with the subliminal understanding that God agrees and that ultimately is the means to prove everything I’ve said about them is without integrity. Check out what happened to Brother C and his confrontation with Fred May.
Exactly the same thing!!!
C confronted Fred with his Scriptural lies and Fred far from admitting the error, goes into a defensive retreat and in turn tried to thrust C’s deplorable character (to God) in his face and tell him why he is not worthy of being in ministry. It is the only formula Fred has – I am spiritually superior to EVERYONE, ergo I am always right and God has told me what is really “wrong with you”. When it works you have a Christian who has come to believe a lie that they believe comes from God and that person, truly believes in actual fact that he is in rebellion to God – with all the terrifying hellish consequences.
So, Andrew is going to pretend to be in a dichotomy (like insulting me as passy-aggy as Fred taught him but then claim in the same to want the best for me … that sick and twisted), he is going to claim he cannot decide whether to feel pity for the “hatred in me” / “spirit” / “bad character” and he is going to “pray” for my “healing” or and possibly in the same breath threaten me with something, I dunno – cyberspace cops??? A klap from God…Good old hell … ??? But it will be like that. Pseudo-pity and or a threat – in no way will he acknowledge he has made a terrible and very grave mistake, that Fred and Lucille May are exactly what myself, Brother C and the many others who fell foul of them on the path to trying to do the right thing – say they are. And I make it soooooo easy for Andrew, I don’t just give him a loop hole – it’s a pit I’ve made for him to leap into. I could be a despicable murderer and it still does not detract from the truth of my testimony.
But what makes me so livid with rage is an unanswered question that Brother C asked me about Guys. What happened to him?
I’ll tell you, the same thing that happened to me and Brother C and my good friend Siebe and others and any one else who happened to blink and see right through them. He was convinced by Fred May in private that he was in rebellion to God because he refused to break off his friendship with me and then he was apparently “handed over to Satan” because of his “rebellious” and “jezebel” spirit – the end result of that was poor Guys ended up in Stikland. Being told God had rejected him nearly destroyed him mentally because like me he went through abject as chronic abuse as a baby and child – so bad in fact that he had to kill his own father to protect his mother’s life. Not the kind of guy who could differentiate between poisonous self-serving manipulation and a reality from God. I fought with Guys to go to someone responsible, someone with a real and recognised education, someone who did not pretend love to get attention for a warped political agenda that was only in reality Fred Mays revenge for church apartheid with his own flavour of elitist church apartheid and he only preached give to get and set barriers that love would cross without thinking. And I told him to stay away from all “Christian’s” obsessed with the doctrines of demons, the writers of Scripture scream warnings to the church to stay away from them, that they coming looking like the smoothest best next thing, with instant spiritual gratification at hand. But Fred had done his work well and invoked his demonic deliverances and thereby fucked up someone else completely. Someone above all the others who did not deserve it. Fuck objectivity. And fuck Fred May and his jezebel demon – they can both go rot somewhere else them and the bitch who lies and wants to rule people through fear and diseases.
Fred and Lucille May were and remain unholy filthy liars who would use any one and anything including the most terrible things that happen to others to get the political attention and wealth they crave but refuse to earn in legitimate business like they force the paying disciples to do. If you met any one of my close friends, especially my coloured and black friends, they would get seriously angry with you if you tried to call me a racist. Last year there was nearly a full blown riot in Cloetesville when the cops tried to give me uphill for visiting my very oldest friend, ironically named Oudste and who is the father of my Godchild Alex – they will tell you in no uncertain, verging on violence … terms – hy’s a hotnot nes ons, Skollie is my ma se kind djy.
So when I tell the world that Fred May is a filthy, dirty, sleazy lying hotnot, him and his poisonous bitch of a wife and their cockroach lieutenants – and really, really mean it in the worst possible way, the way a true hotnot like they would have me be would – then you should take notice of what Skollie Papillon, or Nyoga (my black name) for that matter – is saying and ask yourself why the Cloetesville and Idas Valley coloureds of Stellenbosch despise Fred May and his bullshit and why he has to isolate himself in upmarket white suburbia with upmarket white people’s money he claims is entitled to for his suffering during apartheid and obedience to God? Why does he sit on his over-self-important black arse in an ex-wine mansion (another “gift”) bullshitting that he does so much for the previously disadvantaged “community” through Prochorus but the sleazy fuck will never ever bring them to Oude Molen and never, ever any poor orphaned children. He cries about apartheid but when apartheid ended in ‘94 – he was living in the lap of white luxury being fed, housed, clothed by whites. Driving around in a BMW an adoring white disciple gave him. A disciple he kicked out later without ever giving the car back. He never earned one cent honestly. He has never for one second suffered hunger, degradation, fear for his children’s lives, despair for his family since the second he walked into this town with his sack of bullshit and the same colour skin as every single one of those people he wants financial and racial separation from. He is the ONLY one telling the world what a great prophet he is, has been doing it ad nauseum from the moment he managed to move from a yammering street corner to a pulpit he manipulated students for. Hammering and hammering it in, over and over with his horseshit miracles and always with the demons and the war and military talk. He needs people like this Angus Buchan person with his uber miracle movie and cricket stars who the devil hasn’t told to cheat and any other Joy! Jesus hero because his public image is so shaky. He needs to speak like he ate a dictionary to answer a newspaper a few simple questions about creating a controvery around science on a campus – a subject he has never studied.
I said so in Acid Alex – I am an African, I only look like a white man. Fred May hates me because of it, I see through him like glass.
The week after Guys got kicked out of Shofar, people like Andrew – ALL of them treated Guys like spiritual dirt, crossed the road when they saw him – he suddenly didn’t exist. Fred had handed us over to Satan for our rebellion. And nothing in them screamed out that this was wrong. How can you put your arms around a man in a Sunday meeting and tell him you love him with the “Love of the Lord” because that is what Fred preached and then treat him like utter shit a week later????????????????
All the same Hugo, I will continue our other conversation elsewhere, when my son allows me to come up for air again….hmmmmm, looks like I’m gonna have to log onto your site at home, ha, let’s check if I am “allowed to” by Robbie and post it. Screw Andrew and all Shofarians like him – they want to be like Fred May then be prepared to be handled with utter revulsion and a hard smack like a pedophile would be, another type of the same evil I would never let near my children….
Al
60 Al Lovejoy // May 20, 2008 at 9:34 pm
You want forgiveness Andrew? But you also want self-defense I see.
What is that?
Hou my terug, anders moer ek hom terug?
Amazing thing that, the power of a few words … and whoops out that ugliness comes from the box…remember, test the spirits…be the talented writer you are Al…
Good grief, you would travel all the way to Stellenbosch to see if I can bliksem you? China, you have issues that have sweet fanny to do with a debate about science. The word fuck and cunt give you the willys? Is that also an Omo O my moer woord? How juvenile, I hear more terrible things from children who live in hell and their plight turns my hair not their language. Get the starch out you hair and start being a real Christian.
The world is not a pretty, nice, Shofar Inner-Circle Only place like Fred keeps Oude Molen. It is real and unpleasant. Deal with it like a Christian and that is not going to come to you by means of lame sermons to me.
See how right I was about you … ??? You want to pretend some spiritual virtue like forgiveness but whip out self-help jap-slapping or whatever the hell makes you think that the fastest way to die is not in a bar fight over someone said something about someone’s auntie. And it goes either way as fast and unpredictably.
Ek gaan jou moer is a bar myth. Any one can get hurt by anyone real fast. At the right moment, with even a crude weapon – a tiny girl can bring down a giant.
If you asked someone that knows me really well and who actually might have a chance of taking me in a physical fight to the distance – like my boet Verster, he would laugh at you because he knows I’m talking kak. We nearly killed each other in a fight like that and have scars in our bodies to prove it.
The first rule of fight club – is don’t talk about fight club, just hit back first.
Andrew, have you ever considered that if I was a violent man, and living under the rules of the criminal world I walked away from permanently – I would have to eye-for-eye Fred? You know … tooth for tooth with a rough monkey pliers. Added up, the things he did to my friends, the evil place he tried to lie me into – in that world he crossed a dangerous line and gets judged under those rules accordingly. That’s why they have things like witness protection programs. Don’t be silly, if I wanted to be violent, he would be trying to explain a lot of things to a Shepherd he never knew about a few arbitrary lost sheep that were sick and didn’t look good in the big picture – a long time ago.
I wouldn’t come near him – that’s God’s business, as is yours and neither of you are worth it. But here is hoping that he realises that the longer I stay clear of him, the longer he is going to deny to the God he lies about – that he knows nothing about deliberately ensuring that other children of God lost their fellowship by his commands, that people died because he told them not to take their drugs when they were deadly ill and that he lied and stole from unmarried mothers and the fatherless.
You don’t know what it is like to have your fellowship torn from you with lies, to have your ministry stifled and banned – to be threatened with the real loss of freedom and the imminent threat of beatings and violent rape, to go to sleep night after night crying yourself to sleep to find the deep spiritual fault in you that doesn’t exist – and it does not exist because my Father loves me perfectly.
You claim to want forgiveness? Go and find all those who joined in with and rejected whoever Fred and Lucille May rejected and placed under unholy curses starting with Guys. Fred and Lucille May say these people, including her own sister of course – do not exist. God sees them. I know, I’m one of them – but I consider their pain more worthy … so, go find our lost brothers and sisters, those who were stoned and chased from from fellowship in Shofar and ask them all for forgiveness – you and all who joined in with you.
Then I will ask you to repeat the question and I promise a positive answer that you will immediately recognise comes from the Spirit and not the dance of my pen. Because you should have been praying – not planing how to play fight club.
Bring forth fruit in keeping with repentance else you have asked me for nothing.
Al
61 Al Lovejoy // May 20, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Oh and Andrew, if you must persist in the dogged defence of Fred and Lucille and their dogmas at the expense of people who seem to add up to nothing more than collateral losses – you can do Tash a favour and get Lucille to give you the long list of virgins I slept with in Shofar. She alluded to this long list of girls about six times in the course of an hour long meeting a few months ago.
You should know them all.
So for whatever purpose – she appears to believe herself to be serious, or she’s playing a manipulation game or badly deranged. And she made it a condition that she and Fred insist upon before they will consider being “reconciled” with me. If such a list exists – publish it here or post it to an impartial party like Hugo and publish the tally here. ??? 10? How many chicks? We are curious as to where this list exists in her mind and what the weather is like in that reality.
Her number is: +27823335730
62 Andrew // May 20, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Alex
We joined another church about 11 years ago when we moved from Stb.
Since then a Shofar branch has been set up here but we felt that the Lord placed us in the church where we have been for these 11 years. Wasn’t really a case of NOT joining Shofar once they’ve set up here.
I probably saw Lucille more than 5 years ago and saw Fred at a wedding of a friend of mine some 2 years ago. It’s always good to see Fred and as always we chatted about lots of things. Notice I say chat. Fred is almost like an older blood brother of mine, must be the cullertness…ha-ha
It is not my place to tell you how you should relate to Fred. That’s your business. So many things over so many years, well that’s how it is I guess.
If you go back to my posts you will see that its not my style to want to go into this and that. I think I have been disappointed that you you did not meet up with him (them) and sorted it out.
It is sad to see over the years that things happened that people are hurt/angry about, but that’s life. I’m in no position to judge what actually happened there.
As far as Fred is concerned. Fred guided me in a time of my life when really no one could assist.
That’s my experience of him. And I will always appreciate that. My focus is not Shofar’s Fred, but Fred the person.
I have conceded over and over that Fred can and will make mistakes, just like you and me.
The tone of the posts have changed. I think you are beginning to gather that I’m not out to get you or just defend what I know nothing about.
By the way, your prediction of how I was going to respond – of course by then I had already – was probably about 13% right; the part you got right was I did respond, so well done there…
I maintain that the way to resolve issues has to be to sit down and talk. My visit to you was thus also with the aim to TALK to you.
The essence of my disagreement with you is then the way in which you’re handling the matter. That’s all.
Maybe I need to slap you on the ear so you can hear. I said how old is your son? I have 3 myself.
Looks like you taking some strain there with just one…
Talk again.
63 Hugo // May 21, 2008 at 12:23 am
The pessimist in me thinks this thread is never going to end. (Kinda that pessimist in me that inspired post 51, saying “I hope you’ll leave it there”.) I don’t quite follow all the personal attacks, in the sense that sometimes a personal attack is observed by those taking part in the thread, while I don’t even see what it was. (For example, Al, you wrote “I will take almost any insult but he crossed the line with my son.” – but I’m not sure what exactly you were responding to: I’m not sure where this line crossing occurred.)
But I’m not personally involved. I do suspect there may be some misunderstandings happening here and there. And that “rough talk” can result in more misunderstandings. Of course, in the past I’ve also used “rough talk” to make a point, and to intentionally incite an emotional response. There is indeed something deeper that can be brought to the surface in that kind of discussion, in a strategy to cut to the chase, so I do completely understand why people do that.
The next thing that will likely be explained, if this thread continues (which it can, I’m not stopping anyone, believing in freedom of speech et al, but unsure what to do about more messy situations):
Al has explained in the past that he did want to meet up with Fred and Lucille, in a public setting. Al, feel free to mention it again. I’m just mentioning that I see discussions here going round-and-round. Andrew’s impression might be that they were unwilling to meet with you based on what he gathers about you through your responses here. Or maybe Andrew means he is disappointed that the situation could not have been sorted out by meeting, irrespective of whose fault it is… at which point Al will still point out that he did want to resolve it, but that Fred/Lucille rejected his efforts to do so.
And so it continues.
Maybe I should just stay out of it. It’s not my place to judge whether this exchange is futile or not…
64 Hugo // May 21, 2008 at 12:31 am
Oh, and I’m not quite comfortable with publishing people’s contact details on a public forum, based on my feelings about spam and privacy. This goes very much for email addresses which get harvested automatically, but is then also extended to telephone numbers. Andrew/Al, I suppose Andrew has her number now (he is subscribed to the comments, for example), meaning the purpose of sharing the number here has been achieved, would you both agree it a good idea for me to remove the number now?
65 Al Lovejoy // May 22, 2008 at 1:04 am
Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t Hugo, “people”, as Andrew says – are listening and better still – they’ve stopped paying. Lucille reckoned to Tash that they have “lost” a third of Shofar since I started being so blunt about herself and Fred. Cool, awesome, awesome cool – those ous aren’t lost, as in: can’t find their way home lost – they probably went to SG, Vineyard or St. Paul’s instead. And may all of them do so. The pastors in those churches are real, will not abuse those with whom they share and care and have no real hassles with each other. It also costs nothing at all and they are involved with the poor for more than political mileage.
I know you haven’t read Acid Alex yet (geen komentaar), so I’ll give you a subjective thumbnail sketch of my conversion experience.
I was arrested by SADF Special Forces and extradited from Angola basically illegally when I was nineteen. This after having first AWOL’d from the SADF by walking from the border of Northern Namibia into Southern Angola where I had subsequently joined UNITA as a mercenary. The charges against me were capital and some charges had extenuating circumstances – like a hospital I robbed. If the South African Government had wanted to – it had every right to hang me. Instead they offered me a job as a sanctioned assassin. The person behind it was an officer in NLK the Northern Logistic Command and a forerunner of what became the CCB murder unit. He had to fix and screw with a legal system holding me to public trial first – and find some reason NOT to hang me or see me tossed in a cage till I was an old man. He managed this – somehow, and I was sent to a government drug rehab to cool my heels for four months, then return to him in person and begin training for the “small unit” he wanted to place me into for “special missions”.
While, I was in prison I tried to make a deal with God but then considered the extreme hypocrisy of this step so I offered the devil a deal instead – the outcome was that I found both ideas and pleas repugnant – so I distanced myself from both and resolved instead to accept imprisonment or …
I didn’t truly think the “or” … would happen, so when I found myself breathing freely outside of prison, it tossed a spanner in my neat mental works. I was frightened of dying and my razor sharp skills and chosen profession made me lethal to enemies but in the same breath also to myself – should that enemy be better trained or quicker. It wasn’t dying so much that I feared, that I had been a minute or two away from already at that point from a wound – and while I stared death in the face in that incident – it was the crippling fear that life was NOT a random violent path of carnage – that it was NOT a futile journey while I used the violent skills life had kicked into me with impugnance … that this stupid senseless thing we call existence actually had meaning. Another meaning and another reality that did not end in a cynical death. And if I danced on the end of a rope, at a prison shiv or stopped a bullet – I would never, ever know the difference. That is what scared me more than losing my life or taking another’s.
In the wake of this thinking I decided that God, for all His obvious (to my mind at least) anger at me, might be open to suggestion if I decided deep …, very, very deep down to quit fucking around. And so I did, and went through an experience – that here in this forum, I must insist to other readers – is entirely subjective to my experience and only my experience. In no way am I suggesting in the slightest, through the event I am about to describe – that any other person’s subjective experiences of their own are subject to mine. I call that religion and it sucks, so I don’t push it off on any one.
To explain better let me quote from Acid Alex:
Look up. Someone’s—
Looking at me…
I look up into the Eyes of a stranger, and something unlocks deep inside. I became aware of knowing those Eyes really knowing… like the intimate knowing of a lover or a very close friend, and this knowing is inside me but I had never realised it. With it is another veiled memory of knowing that these Eyes have always been watching over me. From the far blood-filled darkness of before I can remember inside my mum and beyond. And these Eyes have always looked at me with a purpose. Watching over me with a love so profound, so deep, and so completely immutable in the knowledge that I, together with every other human being, was born to live forever in that gaze.
Deeper inside me something else opens up and I can see with them. And what I see is me.
All of me.
I begin as a tiny splash of special light. A precious little pebble dropping into an infinite pond of emptiness. A lightless void waiting to be filled.
Thin colours ripple out in dim meaningless hues, rapidly becoming vibrant, …alive – cohering into early images— flashing, blurring, as I see myself as a child. Images, images, faster, faster as I grow older. Bad and terrible things stick in my head. The worst I don’t want to remember and have banished in dark caves of my heart. There are so many of them. I am not a very nice person on my secret inside. I am aware that this is what it is like to feel me – from the outside. But while I am still so aware of what I am seeing and feeling, I realise the person letting me see myself— must have felt all these terrible things too.
Something tears loose inside me. I can’t face myself – so I break my gaze, turn—
and run.
I run down to the bottom of the camp and start crying uncontrollably on a rock. I’ve worked so desperately at building a hard shell around me. One that’s harder than most. But nothing in the world could ever be worse than seeing and feeling myself. I cry for what seems like hours. I cry like I’ve never cried before. I don’t care who sees me, although nobody does. And all that time those Eyes are still with me. Eventually the ripples subside and it seems I’ve reached the very deep bedrock, far down in the murky darkness – on the ocean floor of my soul.
And all I can say, silently, is…… I’m sorry.
I feel a physical weight move from me and once again I see.
I look down a long rocky road stretching away before me to something far, far away and so vast I cannot not call it a city – what kind of city seems millions of miles long? There’s a light coming from it that makes the setting sun seem tiny and dim. This illuminates the road ahead. Then with the Eyes, as I watched the city – I hear a voice say to me:
∞ You are coming here ∞
*
I was convinced that I was ‘Born Again’ as the bumper sticker says. I was tossed out the Army almost immediately because I announced brightly to Colonel CCB that now I wanted to help people – black people included, especially children – not kill them any more.
Go figure.
The local Christians on the base had always been terrified of me, but now they dragged me off to meetings. To me church was a Sunday jol but after my experience I reckoned buildings and Sundays didn’t matter. Every day mattered. And every place mattered. But still, I didn’t know what the Rules were, so I looked to them for guidance.
They asked me if I had ever been baptised in the Holy Spirit. I said no. So they sat me in a chair, put hands on my head and started praying loudly in English and something else – that something would happen. Nothing did. I started feeling very stupid.
As much as I willed it, nothing happened… except I got real sweaty and embarrassed. I eventually asked them to stop – saying I was pretty sure God was not deaf. They informed me I had too little faith. Oh, and I hadn’t been baptised.
Now that disturbed me very deeply.
I was supposed to have broken out into this Speaking in Tongues thing. I think that was the first time I started deeply questioning myself and my own private little experience in the face of everything I saw around me.
These were squeaky-clean kids from upper-middle-class backgrounds. They came from big important churches. They were like private Christians and I was like a Guvvie laaitie Christian. They also told me they loved me with the love of the Lord, although I felt irritated that they couldn’t love me with their own. It reinforced it for me. There were better Christians than others and I wasn’t one of them.
However, the truly disturbing thing was – I didn’t need more than I had experienced. I didn’t need meetings or weird stunts. It was dead simple:
YOU ARE COMING HERE
No Ifs, no Buts, no Conditions. Applicable to everybody – starting with bitch-born-bastards and working upwards from there.
A simple statement of fact.
An open, unconditional promise to everybody, if you wish.
It wasn’t: YOU ARE COMING HERE if you go to the right meetings, talk in tongues and get baptised. And you have to do it in the right order. And you must have faith or else God won’t give it to you. Here, see, it says so in Scripture.
The person in my room that night wasn’t like that.
My razor-sharp Das sense could see it clearly.
So, how could they be wrong?
I walked out deep into the bush that night and sat down alone in an old de-activated minefield and thought deeply about that night and what I saw and heard on that rock. A long while later I came away with something private that has sustained and protected me to this day, although admittedly it took a very long time and a lot of heartache for me to discover that.
Then I caught a Vlossie back to the States.
I began devouring the Bible. I read it like I have never read any book before or since. But alone, because I had no one to teach me what it all meant. See, I was working as an appie motor-mac with Yvonne’s husband and staying with them at the time. No transport and no church anywhere near their plot. So I read and I read.
With interesting results.
One night a Thing like in Angola attacked me again. The first three times it hit me it terrified me with its hate. But that’s when I realised something – the Black Thing’s only weapon is hate. The sixth time I told it to go away because I could never belong to it again. The reaction was terrible but it left and I have never been bothered since. I hate Bullies. Just stand up to them. However, I began to feel the old echoes of something that had dogged me since childhood. Chronic loneliness.
And I had questions.
I couldn’t handle the isolation and the absence of answers, so I moved back to the Wearnes in Worcester. I got a job in Fire and Rescue and became a fireman. I got engaged to Diane, one of the daughters. They had left the Congregational Church and were now in the Salvation Army. This was not nice. Somehow being a Christian meant dressing up in nineteenth-century uniforms and standing on street corners banging drums and blowing bugles, begging for money – or going door to door, also begging for money. I felt it alienated people and made us look like prats. I refused to wear the uniform, saying I didn’t believe one needed a uniform to be a Christian. Once again, I was on the outside of what seemed to be the norm. Now the real self-doubt set in.
My long internal war had started. They had to be right. They had to. I was the fuckup – not them. Had been all my life. In spite of Diane, loneliness and ideological isolation were still my constant enemy.
I remedied it by sleeping with Diane and thereby in some pathological way confirmed what I knew to be true – God had made a mistake. I was filth and He had made a Big Mistake. I left the Wearnes and started hanging out with my bunkmate at the Fire Brigade, an ou named Brandon. Up until then he had been taunting me by coming into our room with a bag full of buttons – asking me if I missed them. I walked in one afternoon just after I broke off my engagement, with a cardboard box and a heart full of shit, and packed away all my Christian books, music, posters and my Bible – telling him that if he ever mentioned it or tried to take me for a poes because of it – I would fuck him up worse than he could imagine. He wisely kept his bek shut. And silently chopped me a nut. I accepted I was going to Hell and that was that.
It’s not as easy as it sounds.
Then I met up with a cat name Dean who became my best mate and confidant. The only thing that irritated him a lot was that I started having a scene with his sister in Matric. This went on for a while until I was fired for being goofed the whole time. I was trying to kill the pain of being rejected by God by smoking buttons.
Told you I was creatively stupid.
At some point I spent a weekend in Stellenbosch at the invitation of a friend. Here I was taken to a new type of church that had started because the pastor had been thrown out of the local Anglican Church for practising Pentecostal rituals. What satisfied me deeply was that it was multiracial – at least in that decent coloured and a tiny smattering of black folk attended. However, they gathered exclusively in the white part of town, but at least it had no permanent building. And you could come dressed any old how.
I moved to Stellenbosch, crawled back to God and started a pattern that after years I eventually had the courage to break. I begged for mercy, forgiveness – all those good groovy things that I thought I needed – and joined my first Charismatic Church. In the beginning I needed the emotional experience and fix every week.
However, it wasn’t long before trouble reared its head because I always had things to say…
Take something really contentious like money. Even when I was still in the Guvvie rehab in Magaliesoort, my Das sense started clanging loudly.
The only Christian literature available to me had been an apparently free magazine by this American evangelist named Kenneth Copeland. But…when I read it, I was struck by the fact that although the articles touched on fundamental Christian themes, they were very short and every single one of them was actually an introduction to a set of tapes or a video that could be bought for a price. My new Das sense went off, surprising me for the first time. It made me begin questioning this ou. It couldn’t be a free magazine – I mean, all it did was sell stuff. It was a sales brochure! If I was some majorly rich ou and I could afford all the goeters he had on sale inside its pages, it would have a shelf value worth a few thousand dollars. The oke was a skelm. A marrobaner. And a dik slim one too because mense let him sluk them like that. I saw another one by this other supposed healing pastor named Oral Roberts. He had this vision from God or something of an angel called Wharrawharra and you could buy a plastic reproduction of Wharrawharra, which was actually a lamp!
For a price too…
Look, new Das sense, old Das sense – I could still spot a dik skêbeng when I saw one. And what did it mean when so many people calling themselves Christians bought into it?
I read in the Bible how Christ confronted priests who lied.
Called them snakes.
Because of those magazines I became suspicious of okes who asked mense for money in the name of God, and by thoroughly studying Scripture I found out that every cent being collected in Christian churches in Christ’s name is being done so fraudulently under Biblical Law. The way this fraud is committed is through enforcing a twisted adaptation of an ancient Jewish spiritual discipline called tithing using the Mosaic laws of sacrifice and offerings.
See, in the Old Testament, the Levite tribe of priests were not allocated farmland in the Promised Land like the other eleven tribes of Israel. As an ordinary oke, you were commanded to take a portion of your annual crop, called a tithe (meaning tenth) – to the priest. The priest was then supposed to kill, braai, ferment and bake the sacrifice, and then You and the priest gave thanks to God and shared this meal together with all your family and servants. Physical sustenance and spiritual sustenance being exchanged at two levels in a ritual holy feast. There was only one provision made for money coming into this ritual. If you lived far away from the Temple, you were allowed to sell your tithe at home and travel to the temple. When you arrived in the city you were then obliged to buy a new tithe of animals, wine, wheat – whatever – locally and then go for your sacrificial feast and blessing with the priest.
It’s this exact law that was perverted and made Christ so bedonnered that he moered the priests in the Temple for doing it as a blatantly fraudulent business. Like I said – lekker, dik, vet skêbeng.
The modern Pharisee up in the pulpit with the microphone and TV cameras lives in what 95 percent of the country considers a mansion more than fit for any world leader and gets about in a late model German or Italian supercar, while the poor stupid working stiff hiring a flat and maybe driving the jap-scrap sitting in pew number three gladly helps to pay a bit of it off. The modern pastors don’t even bother with re-selling the same phony goats and shit anymore, now its all hard cash or credit card. The really hysterical thing is that the cleverly brainwashed pop in pew number three has come to firmly believe that God wants him to do that with his money and will kick his miserable sinning arse if he doesn’t.
My second big shock came when I discovered mense in the pews themselves conspired to keep it like that to buy an easy cop-out to their own direct responsibilities in ministering the dire needs in their immediate communities.
I also found out the fastest way to get kicked out of any Christian church is to tell the faithful that the Bible says they are all Christ’s priests. And as priests they are equally responsible to each other in everything that they have materially. And not just cash either. Talents, skills, everything. By giving cash to the pastor they sell their Christian priesthood. Secondly the only thing that they are to formally exchange regularly in Christ’s name is food and drink. Exactly like the Old Testament except now both parties in the exchange have been made priests by Christ’s sacrifice. People hated being told that. They hated even more being told you cannot give money to God because he doesn’t want it and he won’t give it to you because if you expect that of him then money is your god. And you cannot give money to the church because you are the church. All you can do is share.
Christ had such disdain for money that he let Judas Iscariot keep it all. Once, He makes a lekker joke with Peter and sends him to catch a snoek with some kroon in its mouth to give to the dominees who demanded a temple tax from Him. The Pharisees get dik slim one day and try and kap Him vas about Roman tax but He points them right back at the minter of the money – Caesar.
I felt the key to Christianity was measured in the way churches paid attention to the needs of children. All children.
I conspired to become a youth leader in that church in Stellenbosch before the real trouble started, and I found that the worst spiritual abuse took place right inside Christian families. One of my schoolgirls tried to sleep with me. I was horribly shocked and blamed her for it until I realised from gently counselling her that she was half insane from loneliness and kinda despised God. Her dad was a senior Elder and everybody in the church looked up to him highly. Up on his pedestal, he was so On Fire for Jesus, had so much time, money and energy for Jesus and evangelising all the Jews in Israel that his daughter was convinced he did not love her and she despised Jesus for stealing all of her father’s affection. I met hundreds of pain-, guilt- and fear-ridden kids like her in my time.
Her father lost his Eldership when she eventually mislaid her virginity and fell pregnant to the first oke who came along. He left in a fury and started up a rival crunchie outfit with some other rich Dutchmen. This time he was a Pastor.
How the hell do you tell the parents of a confused adolescent that their shitty self-absorbed theology has brought the child almost to the point of suicide because the kid did something as unspeakably evil as touch her own body privately in an exciting way? I wanted to slap the parents and tell them to stop waving at the sky and look down for once and listen to their children.
All around me, from my kids in the church to the Stellenbosch streetlaaities, I saw human neglect and outright spiritual abuse. People had huge starry-eyed visions for other exotic countries (especially some quasi-romantic idea of Israel), and ultimately themselves materially, but they didn’t give a flying fuck about the hundreds of wretched black squatters and their children suffering without water or basic sanitation and near starving in squalor a minute down the road. It was all bless me Lord, bless me, and Lord bless those who can bless my idea of me…”
This is the basic row I had with Fred May and the the other happy clappy pastor who threatened to sue me in Stellenbosch – nothing has changed in twenty years….circles, cycles, circles, cycles and every day they get more vicious…
66 Al Lovejoy // May 22, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Another extract from Acid Alex:
“The very worst I will ever see is after I fall from grace. At the urging of some friends who don’t like watching me drink myself into an early grave, I go to the mountains to spend time with a couple who are apparently going to counsel me back into the arms of Jesus again. They live in a massive house on an apple farm and are well known in local regional charismatic Christian circles, operating as counsellors and a praise and worship team. During the time I’m with them I attend meetings and tea parties all over the Western Cape and watch them in action with lovely white people and a smattering of decent coloured folk they enjoy fellowship with. Lighthouse this, Bayview that, Rhema on top, Vineyard the next thing. Later I find out that they operate together with another couple and are a registered Christian charity organisation. To this end they go to all the mega-supermarkets with their registered ministry credentials to obtain shop-soiled goods for a small administrative fee. This is a lot of stuff – cars and trailers full. It all goes into a big storeroom at the back of the house. I am very naive in some ways, so it takes me a while to twig to the fact that they are not doling it out to the starving – they are actually selling the stuff. When I enquire how it works, they tell me they sell it all to the local squatters and poor farmworkers for ten percent less the store value, and by doing this they finance their ministry, give poor black people cheaper food and pay a tithe to God – all in one fell swoop.
We don’t eat any of this food because the smugly righteous little lady of the house only subscribes to a very expensive ultra-health diet invented by a certain Reverend Malkemus of California. She says it’s bad for our health. Tinned food impairs our immuno-systems and could cause cancer. Our bodies are apparently God’s temples and the dear Reverend Malkemus says that we should eat like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden – together with his special, very expensive, patented ultra-food made with seaweed and other weird shit. At that time, a big prayer party for Cape Town takes place at Newlands. They are part of the organising team and enthusiastically sell tickets in their area. Back home we put on our prayer bangles to pray for our region. The little holy cow starts:
– Dear God, we pray for our town and we pray for all Our People. And we want to beg you Lord Jesus, please make these dirty squatter people who bring violence and crime into our town go away. Make them go away back to where they came from… –
Doesn’t make financial sense, she wants God to chase away her primary source of financial income – but there we go. She complains bitterly when they sell the charity stuff on Saturdays because they smoke and they all smell bad.
Then they hear that they might be able to obtain overseas financing targeted for the upliftment of poor children in southern Africa and immediately start hunting for a farm to buy for their ministry. Apparently they want to get addicts and abused people in to work the farm for them – probably at a profit too – while they minister to their needs. They unanimously vote it will have to be multiracial – else no money would come through.
I leave in fury, shaking the dust from my heels, and write them a letter in which I tell them that they are possibly the worst, sickest, snakes and hypocrites that I have ever had the displeasure to meet and people like them are the reason why Christ became so furious in Herod’s Temple.
Back when I had finished studying, I was on the management team that organised an international YWAM Expo in Durban. Kids at the conference were supposed to witness for Jesus after the big-name Super-Christians had finished prancing around on the massive sound stage. The leaders armed the laaities with invigorating zeal and verbose evangelistic tracts and sent them off smartly to convert the heathen. Black and Indian heathen of course. The stupid, dumb, pricks who sent the kids out simply could not understand that a hungry, homeless black man on the streets of Durban would answer – Yes, Baas – to anything a white man said and he would be way too ashamed to even admit his hunger (unless he were truly desperate) and there was no way he could read English (his third language) tracts, because he’d been denied a basic education by the Government that the same leadership had voted in.
The international candidates (all predominantly white) refused to eat the catered food. To avoid the strangling red tape, me and a dinkum punk from Holland, with kaleidoscopic hair and a million piercings, stole it all, with a Kombi, in the middle of the night, and went driving all over Durban dishing out the cater packs to bergies sleeping in the streets. We fed hundreds like this every night until I got kicked out. It wasn’t worth our trouble asking – the bergies would have gone hungry.
I had another sort of nervous breakdown during the Expo because of this continual raging conflict in me. My madness kicking in after years of it. I walked out of a meeting where people were furiously waving their arms – singing in the Spirit – went to Point Road, bought a button outfit, then got fucking gerook.
I was kicked out immediately.
Told me that they all still loved me with The Love of The Lord but He had told them that He had opened another door now and had a very Great Blessing for me in Stellenbosch. Their way of telling me to fuck off in nice clean Christian jargon because once again I had rocked the boat and proven I was an emotionally unstable troublemaker. Bothered by demons and my sin.
*
I borrowed mountaineering gear, went to the Drakensberg, solo-climbed to 2800 metres, made camp just over the border into Lesotho and sat on the cold, lonely, whispering peak, crying in the snow. Up there I realised how small, insignificant and meaningless I was. What the fuck could a socially inadequate skollie like me do to change desperate people’s lives? I lit a spliff and was reminded that I had become a backslider too. Apostate. Maybe even lost my Promise.
Hah!
Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them –Ezekiel 34, Verses 3–6.
67 Al Lovejoy // May 22, 2008 at 7:16 pm
A man came into my shop the other day and asked me for a donation for children’s work. Because this is of paramount importance to me, I checked his bona fides and gave him something for them. We began chatting and I told him that I was also a Christian believer and had worked as a children’s missionary in my youth then the conversation turned to our preganacy.
When he heard that I was an orphan and had grown up in the hell of the old Children’s Act – he started to aggressively lecture me and threaten me about not beating my boy when he becomes a teenager … … … WTF?????
I am an absolute stranger to this man but somehow he has the right to lecture me and predict somehow by some weird means what kind of a father I will be. BASED ON WHAT??? My past? My appearance? The little green moons orbiting his head?
Needless to say I would steer clear of becoming involved with people like that – if he has no inkling of how to treat an utter stranger who has just assisted him, with the simple respect that one affords a generous stranger, then he has no idea of how to love damaged children and can and will only use the same tactics he used on me.
Only problem is I’m impervious to him, those hurt, damaged children are not.
When someone like Andrew tells me in mangled English grammar “I know you have the intellect Alex, but I think you need to invest in character development. You dont just your ass only to look after now.” – he insults Natasha and our family deeply. Do you think my wife likes reading those kinds of comments about her son’s father?
Ek mag myself nie ‘n Afrikaner noem nie? Hoekom nie? WTF??? Ek is ‘n Afrikaner weesie wat in Suider Afrika grootgeword het en op ‘n Afrikaanse hoerskool matriek het. Wat is daar nie te verstaan oor die Afrikaner se geestelikheid as ek in die NG Kerk koor gesing het gedeurende Pinkster en saam met die ander laaities my hol vluisters geskeur het oor die ou boere oomies wat mekaar so afgebid het oor water regte in die oop bid tyd.
Vir my is die ou net erg persoonlik – en as hy nou aanmerkings wil maak oor my karakter en my familie se ‘ass’s dan moet hy sy eie kak vreet en klaar. Ek doen dinge op die verkeerde manier???
En hy probeer van my verder ‘n pop maak deur alles af te skry aan “that’s life” – ja dit is maar seker so, nes cruise missiles, VIGS, verkragters en pedofiele – maar om mense te laat dood deur hulle medisyne af te keur, en lieg, en enkel mammas en hulle babatjies te stroop van hulle geld, en vloeke op mense te praat, en lieg, en lieg weer om mense in die tronk te stop vir goed wat hulle nie gedoen het nie, en weeskindrs in die kerk se geld te vat, en lieg nog erger oor die Here, en vriende verbied om aan te gaan met mekaar – soos hier getuig is – is beslis nie Christen nie – en sal nooit wees nie…ek en hy het boggerall om oor te praat.
68 Hugo // May 22, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Wow… Was that something like a plea to her to get you to stop?
I’ll have to read the rest later. I’m curious, but I’m ill. I’m off to bed.
69 Al Lovejoy // May 22, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Hugo, jy ken vir Tashie – haar komentaar was: “ek sal nie met hom eers praat nie, ek sal hom net klap…”
70 Al Lovejoy // May 23, 2008 at 12:05 am
Wat Fred en ek aanbetref sal ek maar weer oorskakel Engels toe, wan ek dink daar is wel lesers wattie ons ousie se taal praatie …
To clarify for other reader my very recent attempt to hold Fred and Lucille May to reconciliation and an account, I approached two pastors from Vineyard, whom I have come to consider friends and brothers in Christ and whom I am pretty certain I cannot convince of anything they are not convinced of in prayer first – especially Chris. I asked them to stand in as impartial witnesses whilst I confronted the Mays and gave them opportunity to explain themselves.
There is a reason for this that becomes pretty clear almost immediately. In almost every study of abusive ministries like the one Fred May designed, words like “family”, “global fellowship”, “accountable leadership” are used as promotional props in the advertising copy of the “ministry” – However, when someone like the first church secretary Siebe confronted Fred legitimately over Fred lying – he was extremely dangerous to Fred and because of his closeness and loyalty as one of the “original” Shofar “disciples”, he had to be neutralised fast. It took five minutes for Fred to get rid of him. As church secretary and as a member of Shofar. The rest of Shofar’s response??? Fred had to be right and although nobody knew what Siebe had done, God spoke to Fred – else why was he in front and why had the Lord revealed that Siebe and his girl had jezebel spirits?
I would have been stupid to think that anything good could come from a meeting in isolation with myself against the Mays and their leadership’s firing squad. That is why when Pastor Morne Bosch invited me to come to speak to him at Oude Molen – I declined and instead invited the Mays to come and meet with me in public with two independant pastors observing the discussion.
They declined flatly and in a meeting with my wife Natasha, Lucille sweetly told her about the long list of Shofar virgins I apparently deflowered so I in turn communicated to them that I still insisted they continue with their threats of a hate speech law suite, something I am still attempting to achieve just so that I can appeal this all the way to the constitutional court and have the entire IFCC brought to trial for fraud under pure Biblical law. I also communicated that I would return to the Internet and media to continue the exposure …. this was Pastor Bosch’s response to me and his final communication:
“Alex
Let me put some things straight here:
In the past 2 years you have:
1. Tried to disrupt church services
2. Slandered the church in public and cyberspace
3. Accused Fred of stealing money
4. Made death threats against Fred
5. Made violent threats against me
6. Called us cockroaches
7. Called me
1. Poisoness messenger
2. Cult mouth piece
3. Small fry bully
4. Dickhead
5. Liar
8. Called Fred
1. Evil hotnot
2. Cult founder
3. Sleaze bag
4. Calculated Liar
5. Racist
6. Money grabbing fraud
7. Satanist
And not ONE “Sorry”
I now you turn around as some trusted Brother seeking reconsiliation???!!!!
Kom ons praat Afrikaans Alex: JY HET HULP NODIG MAN!!!!! Hierdie leuns wat jy jouself vertel is crazy – en ek het jou al gesê dat niemand enige geld kan vat nie – maar jou ore is toe!
En nou doen jy aansoek om ‘n optog te hou!
ASB Man! Jy het nou ‘n vrou en kind! Klim tog uit jou Jannie-Jammergat donga wat jy self gegrawe het en doen iets met jou lewe – sodat jy jou rent kan betaal en ‘n nuwe motor vir Natasha koop en jou kind se skoolfonds kan betaal. ASB Alex, jy baklei teen almal, maar eintlik teen jouself. Face die lewe en word groot man! Watter lewe gaan jy jou laaitie bied?
En ons kon jou gehelp het met jou huur hier langs Oude Molen – ons help baie mense. Alex die kerk se deure is vir enigiemand oop. Jy gaan jou MOEG baklei. Maar as jy op is weet jy na wie om te draai – Fred en Lucille sal altyd hier wees vir jou – net soos laas toe hulle langs jou bed was toe jy gedetox het en jou met alles wat hulle gehad het gehelp het.
Ek hoop ek kan deurdring na jou
Morné
(Translation: Let’s talk Afrikaans Alex: YOU NEED HELP MAN!!!! These lies you are telling yourself are crazy – and I’ve told you already that no one can take any of the money – but you won’t open your ears!
And now you are applying to hold a demonstration!
Please Man! You have a wife and child now! Get out of the Pity Pete hole you have dug for yourself and do something with your life – so that you can pay your rent, buy Natasha a new car and pay your child’s school fees. Please Alex, you are fighting against everyone, but you are actually only fighting yourself.. Face life and grow up man! What kind of life are you going to be able to offer your child?
We could have helped you with your rent next door here to Oude Molen – we help lots of people. Alex the church’s doors are open to anyone. You are going to fight till EXHAUSTION. But when you are done you know where to turn to – Fred and Lucille will always be here for you, just like they were next to your bed when you detoxed and they helped you with everything they had.
I hope I am getting through to you
Morne)”
This was my original letter to Lucille May:
“Hi Lucille
I am currently in communication with Morne and two other pastors from Vineyard who are acting as mature objective advisers in my attempt to bring this business between Fred and myself to the light and the knowledge of the whole congregation – and he tells me our encounter and my “hatred” towards you in the Spar had you crying back at home and neither you nor Fred can understand why.
There is lying about Scripture for money and selling the gospel so coldly to suddenly rich friends like Griesel for one thing. And I don’t care if everyone does it – It is not God’s way in Scripture and we are supposed to be God’s people and live by faith in Him. Then all the used up and thrown away people Morne could never know about because they were all banished before his time. Remember Althea, Lisa, Siebe + V, Christiaan, and poor Gys…etc, etc? Where are they all now Lucille? – or are all those Christians just banished evil Jezebel spirits? You can’t go from loving Jesus to being evil just because you have a difference of opinion with Fred that shows he doesn’t know everything from Scripture or was plain dead wrong. All those people who loved you and supported you until they disagreed with Fred or yourself – all gone to hell…? Your own best friend Althea!!! Alth’s got a lot of faults but she isn’t evil. Or is it just the money…?
Lucille, my wife Natasha wants to know why Fred did that terrible thing to me. And she is not going to rest until we get to the bottom of it.
Even if I had been smoking Mandrax across the road that day or any other day, I was a broken down junkie – wasn’t Fred supposed to be a pastor? Why did he phone Rodney Barkhuizen knowing I would go back to prison that same afternoon? I had been tossed out of Shofar by Christiaan and Jacques the night they came to scream at me for supper months prior to it. I didn’t even baby-sit Stefan anymore. What did I do to Fred that was so bad that he, and he alone decided – I had to go back to a hell of being beaten and raped again? And then make a phone call to a stranger to organise it.
I never took or broke anything of yours, I never shouted at you, hit you or insulted you or your son – I used to baby-sit Stefan!!
What did I do, so unspeakably evil, so in rebellion against God – that would make a pastor play fake policeman and cold bloodedly attempt to take away my freedom with a lie?
And we want the congregation of Shofar to hear the reason. And if you guys force an executive cover up – we will just go back to the press, Internet, etc. We will get my lawyers to try and get copies of my prsion records and track down Rodney and get his statement. He thought Fred was despicable and told me he was the first pastor in his career that wanted someone in jail and he was of half a mind, that even if I had been smoking Mandrax – not to lock me up, just on principle. And we will go to my sister-in-law’s father and other people in Shofar we know, as many as we can until the congregation hears why.
Natasha’s telephone number is 0828356649 – she would like to go for coffee and a chat. I told her you will probably deny it ever happened or work out some way to blame me and make me possesed or some shit.
I just want my day in front of the congregation with two objective Christian advisers and I want to be able to serve and worship God where He called me, which means I will fight with all I have until Oude Molen becomes an orphanage. Fred stole my fellowship with my Brothers and Sisters and I want it back on behalf of all of us. He made me feel like God had rejected me, which is piss easy in someone with a shattered self-esteem. I wanted to commit suicide! I would still be in minstry in Shofar and have had a say in what happens with the ministry’s money – I put enough of it in and all it bought me was the real threat of prison. I don’t care what you say – I own a part of this ministry because God never rejected me and ever told me to leave Shofar. That is a lot of accrued interest Sister. Ask Him.
And I am not resisting God!!! Stop trying to control people! It is witchcraft! I have scrubbed and cleaned every corner of my life, made every restitution possible and stand naked and unashamed before God, because I know your first tactic is always to try and make someone feel worthless to Him – then they are under your control. I know you both so well from all your victims, including myself. The girls in my youth in SCF, who used to be in your class at school – used to cry hopelessly in my councelling sessions with them over how you made them think they were worthless to God – until they did things Your Way. Nobody hates you we just want to know – Why?
Lucille, everything is going to come out in the wash eventually. I’m never going to be poor weak Alex again and some of the shit Wally did to me pales to how much this hurts. I’m a prophet and an evangelist, the real deal. I have no word for you but I’m standing in the strength of my Father. This will come to His light.
Regards, Al”
71 Al Lovejoy // May 23, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I have a very, very dear personal friend, let’s call him Mike.
Mike and a couple of his high-school friends are up on the hill in Paarl where all the kids hang out one Friday night, crammed together in a car and sharing a joint. Unfortunately for them, they are laughing, freaking and having so much fun – they don’t see the boerevan pull in….
Okay so they get bust.
The boere breathe all hot and heavy to scare them and then take each one home – let the parents take care of it (wink, wink), which is reasonable and fair. All the other laaities get dropped off to grim folks and long groundings but Mike’s parents insist that the boere come in and search his room.
Something you have to understand about Mike’s parents is that they are really, really on fire for the Lord. So on fire in fact that their daughter tried to contact Childline when she was a girl, because she didn’t want to pray and do bible study all the time and got dragged home by her father by the hair. She eventually ran away from home at sixteen. Mike is a deep introvert and eventually vented his own frustration when he was a teenager by taping an inverted pentagram over a beautiful picture of Jesus that he had painted himself some years earlier.
So the boere reluctantly skut, with the help of Mike’s parents and find a couple of seeds that Mike had been treasuring in a bankie with some vague dream of growing his own herb one day.
Mike’s father insists that they arrest and charge him. So they do but on the way out Mike’s father takes the one cop aside and tells him the boy is a Satanist. And that sealed his fate. The boere took him, booked him and tossed him in a cell alone. Then later that night they took all the nongalosha (28’s) – the sodomisers out of the other cells and put them in with Mike and they raped him all weekend. In court Mike’s parents insisted that he be sent to Noupoort. And he was sent there and beaten and punished for Jesus for a year. You may not believe this but Mike is a deeply committed Christian and loves the Lord. But he has been so badly hurt that he prefers to be with the Lord alone. His parents don’t trust him anymore so while he was studying here they would either buy him food or sent him small amounts of pocket money through one of their friends in ministry so he could feed himself. Once they gave his pocket money to Morne Bosch a senior leader in Shofar and who refused to give the money to him until he came to a Shofar meeting. Mike refused. Would you make a kid starve because he wouldn’t come to some meeting of yours? What human violations was someone talking about elsewhere concerning Shofar and its leadership…???
P.S. When Jesus said he came to bring a sword – he was warning his followers that THEY would be rejected and persecuted for believing in Him – it does not mean that you can reject or look down on other people because they do not share your level of faith. That is called arrogance and pride.
72 Al Lovejoy // May 23, 2008 at 10:06 pm
From “Acid Alex”:
I awoke and found myself in another cell. I was so weak I could not lift my head. Above me I managed to make out a pole bedecked with plasma bottles and a very yellow drip bag. My arm hurt and my ankles and wrists cried out from the handcuffs biting into my flesh. I was firmly skated hand and foot to a steel bed. Eventually a gatta and what I took to be a doctor came in. The tampon took my blood pressure and remarked in a thick accent that he was glad to see I was awake.
I had apparently lost a hell of a lot of blood and needed two plasma transfusions. The reason I was so weak was because my blood count was low. But with vitamins and other shit being injected into me I would probably be okay to get up in about a week. I lay there in abject misery. I suppose it was a good thing I didn’t know Christine was dead, because I would definitely have joined her at the first opportunity. Let’s not fool around. I was chained in hell because I felt sorry for myself and didn’t want to face a lifetime in prison without her. I was also going mad from not having alcohol and spliff. And I could not face thinking about God. I think maybe the real reason deep down was that I could not face God. At least my adopted idea of God. I was sober after years of hiding, and my guilt and fear were driving me crazy. That’s why I’d been pouring drugs into myself all that time. That’s why I became a big drug dealer. Because I was told I had turned my back on Jesus and lost my salvation. Because I thought I was going to an imaginary Hell worse than this one and I could not face the idea. In twelve-step programmes this is called a rock bottom. In other empiric and decidedly more Hippocratical quarters— it’s known as being insane.
They came back later with food. I refused to eat it. The chef on duty told me that it was futile trying a hunger fast – they would simply put a tube down my throat and feed me from a bag. So I ate.
For two days I lay in that cold, dark place – hating every breath I took. Hating myself and my stupidity. Hating the fact that it hadn’t worked work. Hating the fact that I’d got caught. Hating the emotional and mental pain.
On the third day my cell door opened and a cheerful little old lady appeared. At first I thought it must be some mistake. That she was looking for some other bandiet. She came to the side of the bed and asked me if she might talk with me. She spoke English, slightly accented but fluent nonetheless. I nodded.
– What is your name? –
– Alex –
– My name is Michelline, what country are you from? –
– South Africa –
– Do you miss home? –
– Yes –
– I’m sure you do. I’m sorry you are far away and lying here. I come here a few times a week just to visit the people in hospital. You don’t mind if I visit with you for a little while, do you Alex? –
– No, I don’t. Are you with a church? –
– Yes, Alex I am a nun. I think it is bad to be in prison, but it is even worse being in hospital in a prison, and that is why I am here. Maybe if you speak to somebody who is not part of the prison it will make you feel a little better. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? –
– Ask me –
– Do you know that God loves you? –
– Sister… …I knew God once… …A long time ago… …but I got angry with Him because of what He let people in my country do in His name and I sinned because I hated the people that kept on doing it. I left the church, turned my back and became a professional criminal. I am a hard and terrible man. I am here because of that. Now I am going to be in prison for a long time and when I die I will go to Hell –
– Ha!, ha!, ha! Excuse me, please I apologise, I am not laughing at you, I am laughing at what you are saying. Alex, who on earth told you that? You cannot do anything either good or bad to make God feel differently about you. You cannot change His feelings. He loves you because he wants to love you. You cannot change that, no matter what you do or what anybody else says. And He sees everything, including the bad things done in His name –
– But Sister, I was a missionary once –
– Alex, do you think that you can offend God with your rejection? Do you think maybe he will get hurt feelings and go and sulk in a corner of Heaven? Do you think he does not see you here and it does not affect him? –
– I don’t know –
– Do you mind if I ask why you hurt yourself? –
– I will never see my girlfriend again, I will never see my friends, I might never see Africa again, and when I die it’s over –
– Alex we cannot say what tomorrow might bring. But I understand you are lonely and afraid. I cannot change that now but, I would like to visit you regularly if you don’t mind… maybe we can become friends –
– Okay –
– Tell me a little about yourself until I must go… –
I lay there after she had gone and thought about her words.
Who was the God I was running away from? Was I running? I mean running as in actually getting away. There were three layers to my self-hate, at least the ones that I knew of—
There was my impotent rage at the crude and sophisticated hypocrisies that I had seen so blatantly all around me and could not change. I believed utterly that Church leaders are responsible for poverty and social injustice. It is the only response that validates the Christian experience in my opinion. And I mean responsible as in curing it – fixing it, correcting the imbalance. And spreading that effect. Yet everything I had seen in South Africa screamed that they were responsible for creating it – both directly and by sheer callous indifference. I did not ever see myself as some kind of lone prophet. I certainly didn’t want to stand up in front. It’s just that I had tired of trying to stand up to them and could not keep myself from questioning everything. Besides I was way too fucking impatient and refused to play church politics. I only had two stratas of life that I had occupied emotionally. The mean streets and church. And I had wanted to take the church to the mean streets but failed miserably. So I buried everything and fucked off back there. My advice to anybody on the mean streets would be to stay the hell away from any organised religion.
And what kind of mental illness is it when somebody believes they are right and an entire set of religious organisations is wrong?”
73 Al Lovejoy // May 23, 2008 at 10:16 pm
And finally, my last word from “Acid Alex”:
Blindness
Eksê.
What?
Are you awake?
Ja.
Hey, a man can’t sleep eskê. I’m worried about my sentencing tomorrow.
Ja, me too. Only it’s late bra, tomorrow is today already.
Fuck that’s true.
Hey my broer, you skiem you also gonna get the death sentence?
Fuck bra, I don’t wanna think about that.
Ja, me too my broer…
Hey, come on bra, tune me one of your mal stories again.
Have you still got that spliff we nipped china?
One time.
What you skiem my broer? The boere should only come around again on the four o’ clock watch? Hey?
Ja I skiem so bra. These naaiers are too sleg to do anything extra.
Then toke it up bra and split it with me, and then I’ll maybe tune…
Hey, here’s that spliff my broer, but c’mon tell me one of those stories china, and we forget about our terrible klap tomorrow for a bit.
We get klapped today remember.
Okay, okay, so it’s today, don’t remind me again…
Okay kwaai. Once upon a twice, back in the olden days, there was this roeker who was mos blind. You make out?
One time.
Now this ou had been born like that. Very kak of course, but ja, no well, it happens. Anyway, so this roeker had to mos maar bedel to make a way because he couldn’t see fuckall and so he obviously couldn’t graft.
Ja, one time.
Anyway, remember this is mos now fucking long ago bra, and doer up there where the slams ouens comes from.
Ja.
So now their cities mos had walls around them and gates and everything and this ou sat at the gates bedeling.
Ja one time.
Anyway now skiem about it. The only way to get into this city was mos by the gate, and in their time all the lank important larnies used to park off there too. ’Cos they used to charge tax to the merchants coming in and out to smokkel with the mense what lived inside.
Ja, ja, kwaai.
Among these larnies were also the ouens who would like be the maggies of the city and they would collect tax and sort out kak between the mense. You make out?
Kwaai.
So you got ouens paying the maggies tax, other maggie-ouens sorting out who klapped who or slukked whatever first. More ouens doing business, wharrawharra, and in among all these bewegings there’s this blind roeker.
Kwaai. One time.
Now there wasn’t MTV and cellphones and all that kak in those times china. News could only travel as quick as the fastest horse. And then you had to hope that the mense didn’t fuck up the story when they told it again. But the whole jol I’m trying to tune you is that there was this rumour going around. Like a really strong rumour. Like that last amnesty rumour, make out?
Ja, but that was kak and we’re still stokkies, it don’t count for us.
Ja I know, but this rumour was so strong the first time you’d hear it was from the ou standing next to you in the street— as you heard the mang’s front door slamming behind you.
Fuck that’s a strong rumour!
One time. Okay, so now check it out. This roeker’s whole kop is in his ears because that’s mos the only way he can make out what’s going on around him.
Ja, ja.
So he listens. He probably can’t sit too near these big larnies but close enough just to hear what’s going for what.
Ja, I make out eksê. Skelm.
Ja, but the larnies gedagte is mos different. In their eyes he was just a vuil old blind bergie.
Ja, one time.
Anyway my broer, so this rumour he hears is about a prophet. This prophet comes from some other spot and this ou’s name is Yeshua ben Yosef. Which actually means that this ou is Yosef’s laaitie.
Ja, kwaai.
Now he has heard lots of rumours and things, remember this ou has sat there bedeling for thirty years.
Mutherfucker! Thirty whole fucking years! Fuck bra, my last stretch was only six and a half.
Ja I know. Heavy hey. So anyway what gets his motor running is he thinks there’s a bewystuk in this particular rumour about this ou, this Yosef’s laaite. He has listened to gossip and other mense all his life and he know when he is hearing kak or not. You can mos work it out when you hear mense talk about a move a lot.
Ja one time.
And what makes him skiem that Yosef’s laaitie is the makwera is that the ouens who were like the dominee-type ouens in that time, who he has heard talking about it – they don’t smaak this Yosef’s laaitie ou. But the bergie doesn’t smaak these dominee ouens either because they are dik suinige naaiers. He’s like a boemelaar and all these mense are the ous who he bedels from. Like his customers. You make out?
Ja, I make out.
Anyway, the rumours get stronger. Stuff about mense getting better and goeters from diseases and what-what. And the dominee ouens are getting a lot more befuck.
Ag, fuck them. Suinige naaiers.
So now, one day, this roeker hears a crowd coming and the mense running in front are tuning everyone that it’s this ou, Yosef’s laaite. So he skiems he has sat here for thirty years – he better not fuck up his one shot. The ou has to come past him to get into the city, and he might be blind but he knows how to yell. The crowd gets nearer and nearer, and then it’s suddenly the crowd, and he starts yelling at Yosef’s laaitie, begging and begging for mercy. He won’t shut up – he just yells and yells and yells. Now the ouens walking with Yosef’s laaitie, who were like his main bras and bizas – try and make this blind roeker shut the fuck up, but he just keeps on yelling louder! …Then the crowd suddenly stops … Goes quiet … He hears some ou come up and kneel down in front of him…
Yosef’s laaitie!
Ja, zigzactly. But now listen to this. He hears them talking about him, the same ous what tried to make him shut him up, and a new voice, who must obviously be Yosef’s laaitie because the other ous are calling him teacher and all those sorts of goeters. Anyway so now they ask Yosef’s laaitie who’s to blame for this roeker being blind from birth and all that. Like did his parents cause major kak and this is their bad karma taken out on him or did he cause kak in a previous life or what? So Yosef’s laaitie tunes his chinas, nooit, it’s so that God can be seen in him.
What? But the ou is blind my broer, how can God be seen in him?
Wait bra. Now this blind roeker oviously can’t see what’s going on, out on the outside. All he sees is the black inside of his skull, but on the real outside Yosef’s laaitie starts gobbing and gobbing. Big fat greenies. Dik fat ones in the dirt. Grrrrrrmmmphh, Grrrrmmmphhgrrgrg, Ptthooowwwat!
Fuck off broer, you making me naar.
No my broer, this is how it happened. Facts.
Ja, ja, but let’s just be lekker, okay?
Anyway, so he puts his finger in it like this, and—
ARE YOU TOTALLY BEFUCK!?
Hey, sssssssht! You’ll bring the boere down on us!
Nooit china, you know I don’t smaak that naar kak.
Bra, I gotta tune you like it is because then I can only tune you what happened next.
What, he ate it or some sort of fucked-up kak?
Nooit bra, now you’re being a naargat. Nooit, he made mud with it from the dirt and stuffed it in the holes where this roeker’s eyes were supposed to be.
Fuck, serial hey?
Ja.
So then?
So now Yosef’s laaitie tunes him, listen my broer, you must go to that fountain jol in the middle of the city and wash your eyes out. And don’t spin out ’cos everything is going to be totally cool, you’ll check. So he missions and washes his eyes and suddenly he’s got eyes where the mud was and the cat can like see for real and everything.
Yoh-yoh!
Ja. Anyway, so he waais to his pozzie and his mense totally freak out and ask him, like what the fuck happened!?
They must have really skiemed like What Da Fuck?
Ja, zigzactly. But now check this one out. The dominee ouens hear about it because this is like one of those front door of the mang slamming behind you rumours. Everybody starts talking about it.
Fuck-ja.
So they like give this roeker a summons to come before them. So he goes. Then they tune this ou he must tune them exactly what happened. Okay so he tunes them like you know, Yosef’s laaitie – goeters in his eyes – he doesn’t know what goeters, just goeters – washed his face and suddenly he doesn’t have to walk into walls or fall down stairs any more.
Ha ha, fuck-ja.
Ja, so the dominee ouens start arguing about the whole jol and tuning like this Yosef’s laaitie is like a devil or something and this is a lot of kak and cannot be from God and what, what. I mean, gobbing and spitting greenies and making mud and goeters – that just sounds siff. I mean, that’s just plain vuil bra. You make out how delicate the larnies are. I mean check at you just now, and you mos kamstig a Holland joster.
Hey, fuck you bra, your poes.
Ja, ja, your auntie’s blue one. So anyway, the dominee ouens call his mense in and they tune his toppie and tannie, is this like your laaitie eksê? So his mense tune ja, one time – but we don’t know fuckall about what happened eksê. He just came home like that. You make out? Only they didn’t actually say fuckall and goeters because they were like lank bang of the dominee ouens. These ous had a lot of mag. They were dominee ouens who were also like maggies of the church as well. You make out?
Fuck-ja, shit. Okay. Then?
So they put this ou on trial.
Fuck, nooit, you’re talking kak. That’s completely blind bra.
Nooit‘s true china – njannies kappellas, they put this poor roeker on trial for his troubles. So he gets befuck, turns around and tunes these mutherfuckers, are you mense all totally fucking mal? Obviously not a good move, but my broer, in the circumstances, hey, fuck – you know what I’m saying?
Ja, fuck ja – me myself, I mean fuck it china, like what had the ou actually done wrong?
Zigzactly. Anyway, eventually these dominee ous find him guilty and throw him out their church.
What the fuck for?
Fuck knows. I don’t skiem they even knew why. But it’s not over yet. He’s on his own, he’s out of the church, which by the way, was a totally blind thing in those days because you could only get into heaven through the dominee ouens’ who had kicked him out – I mean, that was supposed to be those dominee ouens’ main graft. Plus his parents don’t want him to come around in case they also get into kak with the dominee ouens, and he can’t bedel anymore because there is nothing wrong with him. So now what?
Ja, fuck, now what? What happened?
He goes looking, looking… for Yosef’s laaitie. Only he doesn’t know it, but Yosef’s laaitie has already been looking for him, because Yosef’s laaitie heard that this roeker was in the kak.
Fuck, that’s majorly cool!
Ja, lekker hey. Anyway, so Yosef’s laaitie finds him and asks him if he is stambula. This roeker tunes him ja, he’s sterkbene. Some ou he had never been able to see made his eyes lekker but he got into kak because of it. He got thrown out the church and now it’s like no more heaven for him. So Yosef’s laaitie puts his hand on his shoulder, looks him straight in his new eyes, and asks him if he believes in the God of Heaven?
This roeker tunes him, ja. So Yosef’s laaitie tunes him, well my broer, the God of Heaven is looking at you…
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[...] vocal prosecutor is most likely Al Lovejoy. On this blog, the prosecution has stated his case at comment 17 of the post “Shofar Marketing, or Turning a New Page?”. The defence then typically questions the prosecution’s motives and character, and it turns [...]
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