Random thought: there is no such thing as a bottomless cup. Especially with cups that seem really big, the bottom can sometimes creep up on you and surprise you when you least expect it. It might be useful to find some bubbling wells accompanying you through your life, from which you can refill your cup.
I ran out of steam this week. I guess it was bound to happen. Too little sleep, too much forcing-the-mind-to-act-sharp with mental discipline and willpower, too little food (lost some weight though, yay!), too much grappling with language… too little yin, too much yang? Too little earthing/grounding, too much fantastical thinking.
Yea, too much fantastical thinking. I’ve been pondering the parallels between fiction and reality, something I find particularly intriguing. It seems this direction of thought risks blending the two to an unhealthy or even dangerous degree when combined with too little sleep and a couple of other stress factors. I should probably read some Carl Jung if not something more recent: something about his ideas of archetypes and the “collective unconscious”. As fun as reinventing the wheel is, going mad without making any particular contribution is particularly pointless.
So yes, I have lost touch with reality at times. I hope it didn’t show too clearly on my blog. I’ve mentioned the most significant time before: the first weekend of December. A “religious experience” or a “brief psychotic break”, under the influence of too much caffeine, too little sleep, too much stress, and another element I can only share in a few months’ time, to protect the innocent. Quite a remarkable and exhilarating experience. An experience that leaves me with a potential understanding of a potential source of many of the world’s religious traditions, ideas and techniques that I apply when doing endurance grinding, whether that be working overtime and getting my thesis done or finishing a gruelling endurance race, and ideas or insights into diverse aspects of human culture that provides me with surprising amounts of self-confidence. And no, this wasn’t all in one epiphany, a lot of this was discovered in the process of playing pattern recognition in the following six weeks.
Through all this, I was in need of someone that could understand where my mind is at. Someone that I could discuss this with. (Do any of my lurkers feel they understand the weirdest posts on this blog? E.g. those by Jess?) I suppose it is madness to think someone else has the same madness I have, eh? I suppose I should have knocked on the head-shrinker’s door. Maybe I should still do so, as I will undoubtedly be revisiting some of the ideas in the future. Having more insight into what’s what could help me separate the interesting stuff from the purely insane.
So, as an anti-dote, instead of throwing myself at the ground again (which does work wonders, don’t get me wrong), I’m thinking of throwing myself into Go for the next three weeks, when not working on projects or my thesis defence. Rationale: the SA Open and African Oza is on the second weekend of February, and I’m extremely rusty. I have some old rivals that I have to do battle with, to prove they haven’t left me too far behind in their dust. A year is a long time…