I probably tore my ankle again today. I’m on crutches just in case, and I’m icing it like hell. We will see how it turns out tomorrow. However, this doesn’t have that much to do with the ankle. The ankle is just one tiny little detail in an incredible synchronicity of events that is just too fucking weird… I think I may have found my calling in life.
Be warned: do not read on if (any kind of) swearing offends you. You will be offended. I am not even sharing my calling, so you won’t miss much. I’m just therapeutically expressing my fear…
Things in my life, all the little things throughout my 25 years, seem to have run together into what seems to be a little epiphany. I feel I may have found my calling. And it’s scaring the living shit out of me. This is one of those moments. A glimpse of a possible future that is just way beyond what my wildest dreams could ever have imagined. It is possible I’m just deluded…
God, forgive me, for I have sinned. I think I may have missed my calling.
Or maybe this was all just a big process of preparing me for an unthinkable future I would otherwise not have been ready for. A roller-coaster future. Please grant me clarity about the path ahead, please let me know if this path I have glimpsed is not meant for me. If it is meant for me, please grant me all the humility you have to spare, the vice that is lurking under the bed is scaring the shit out of me. I am but a little child, and I am afraid. Very afraid.
Please grant me the patience to finish my thesis in Engineering first, I need some security in this insecure time. Also try to help my friends understand. I know many will hate me, or they might think me mad. Grant me the courage to accept it. I also know I will need help, and lots of it. I cannot do this on my own. Grant me the support I will need, prepare the path for me.
To my atheistic friends: don’t think of me as a Christian, that would probably just be misleading. Just think of what you see above as a piece of poetic language.
Fucking hell. And this one’s for Steve: holy shit! I really am fucking scared. I hope to wake up tomorrow and see this was only a big, bad dream.
OK, you’ve held on this long, I’ll reward you with just a little hint: I think I should become a scientist…