Publishing a blog is an interesting experience. Often it takes me less than a day to feel rather uncomfortable with what I wrote, other times a little longer. Looking back at old posts often gives me a rather uncomfortable feeling. (A quick aside: wow, déjà-vu…) Often I feel I want to delete some things I have already written, but I stand strong, and I leave it up, in an effort to find peace with my imperfections, in an effort to fight the perfectionistic urge.
It is an interesting journey. My discomfort with what I have written is in part what drives me to write more, to counterbalance old perspectives. It also drives me to reach further, to stretch more, and hopefully to wander ever closer to that ever elusive inner peace.
I think that inner peace is to be found in greater honesty towards everyone, but more importantly, also towards myself. Attempted honesty compels me to search further and harder for resolutions to unresolved matters, for answers to difficult questions. And my answers are an enigma, they change significantly if you just look at them funny.