I don’t think much of ADD, it is the subject of too much apparent controversy and disagreement. (Is there such a thing? Is it really a disorder, or is it nothing other than ordinary neurodiversity?) I do not even want to bother thinking whether I might have it or not. The potentially more useful question one might ask though, is: “might Ritalin help me finish my thesis?” That question is much more interesting. And then I read about Hyperfocus, and wonder if some of my (really fun) feats of extreme productivity some time ago, might be described by that? I have for a while wondered how to achieve what I have achieved in the past, and if it is possible to do so for extended periods of time. (Might Ritalin, for example, suppress the wonderful ability that might be described as “Hyperfocus”, when that might just be what I need to use right now? Or is using Ritalin not much different from substance abuse, where all I really need is a good dose of mental self-discipline?)
For one example from 2003: doing 98% of a big whole-semester computer science project in one weekend (and still doing really, really well in it, of course ). That was very much fun, a very fond memory. And that despite some serious/significant “real-life” distractions at the same time… Naturally, that kind of productivity is unsustainable: sleeping about 6 hours in a 60-hour time period.
Either way, I’m digressing. My mind is still going crazy with thoughts that I seem unable to suppress. One hopeful avenue was to get it flushed out by blogging about it. The past few days (two?) I have been contemplating a post explaining some more about the past three years’ journey, and my current position, with regards to religion. On the one hand, I try to ignore it and shove it aside to get on with my life, on the other hand, my mind keeps milling, and I’m hoping getting it out will somehow clear my thoughts. So every now and then I return to the post and try to figure out how to describe it concisely. And I fail. It simply seems too interwoven and involved to simplify into a few paragraphs. Any way I try to word it, I end up badly misrepresenting a number of aspects of the journey.
Maybe I should give up on the journey/influences idea, and just try expressing my current position.
…Or I should cut myself off from the world again, everything was going rather smoothly until the time I started “getting a life”. Increased social interaction was my downfall? (No, of course not. You get to the point where you realize your walls have got to go. So you destroy the walls, you move on, onto new pastures, where you are faced with new challenges. Don’t go looking back and thinking the previous pastures were greener.)